Happy New Year!! Well its almost here, right now its 5:36pm and I'm waiting for Brandon to get home so we can leave for Atlanta. The new year is upon us and Id like to wish everyone a safe and happy one. I do hope that many things turn for the better in 2005 and that the good things all around us multiply. When I say this I mean for the entire World as well as you and I. So many people recently lost their homes and families, if not their lives, in the recent tsunami. It sadenss me deeply to even try and picture that, even though I dont think I can. I have never expierianced loss or devastation at any level close to what they must be, I imagine it is probably 1000 times worse than the worse I could picture it to be. I pray for those people--we all should.
But there is also good in the World and for that I am thankful.
I have often wonder around this time what exactly all the fuss of a new year is. Isnt it really just tomarrow--just the next day--another day--same as today. Why yes Kelly, I think it is. But the thought of a NEW year, a clean slate is appealing to people I guess. I know I will be tomarrow who I am now and the things I want change about myself then I do now.
Brandons home--where out---Happy NEW Year!!!
Today I had to 'put my fish down'. This is a sad day for me, as for my fish Annabella. I got her on my lunch break a year and a half ago, on a whim. I was having a bad day, needed something to brighten my spirits. So I took her back to work, new tank and all the trimmings!!! I asked my boss if I could keep her there at work on my desk (I have a HUGE desk and lots of people go by it in a day). He said yes and so it was. She was an angelfish, a gold angelfish to be exact. Beautiful. About the size of a quarter with flowing fins. I named her Annabella because she was so pretty she had to be a girl.
I bought a book on how to care for her, due to this being the first fish Ive ever had. I did everything like it said and she was happy. I would sing to her when no one was around. She would swim over to the side of the tank where she could see me as if she was listening. When I would feed her she would wag all of her fins like a puppy. EVERYONE loved her at my work, co-workers, customers, children.....you name it. She grew to be quite big and even more pretty and smart, for a fish. But something strange was happening. The larger she grew the larger her lips grew.
Everyone began to comment on how big the fishes lips were. I never knew something could be wrong. I never had a fish before, they seemed to just be growing with her so I figured....hmmm, okay so maybe it has lips. Well over the last two weeks the lips have grown huge, they stick about a 1/4 inch off of her. So yesterday I decided to research it just to see what I would find. Why had I not thought of this before??? Beats the heck out of me. What did I find??? Lip fibroma. Yeah I know, what the hell is that?Right? Come to find out it is some sort of virus caused by something no ones knows, and there is no cure or treatment. The lips just grow until the fish can no longer eat and it starves to death. STARVES TO DEATH!!!!
Then I began to think about how Ive noticed her having trouble eating over the past few weeks. I fed her six times yesterday at work. I dont think she really was able to get enough in her mouth to amount to anything. My co-workers also agreed based on the fish and the onfo I had found basically everywhere that her fate was now sealed and it seemed to be a matter of time before she too starved to death. I could not have this. But I could not stop it either. What to do? I stared at Annabella the rest of my work day yesterday in a daze. The joy in my heart when I look at her suddenly had this could looming over it...I could not let her suffer. I cried. Yes Im admitting it, I damn well did CRY. I did feel silly at the same time too... it is a fish...a fish...fish.
It is funny how you can be so attached to something and not really know it until it is gone or on its way out the door. I think what it was also, was I knew that I was going to miss the simplicity of it. The fish... you care for it - it is pretty and happy---you get joy from that. No words ever spoken- just a basic comitment. There is something to be said for that.
So that brings us to today. After I attended my nephews fifth birthday party at the local Chuck-E-Cheese, I went by my work. I tried to feed her again and there was no luck. I knew what I had to do. The fish isnt going to tell me when its starving to death and its fate has been sealed so I had to get it before it got her! I put Annabella in a bag full of water from her tank and brought her home. I researched the net for the most humane way to go about this and I came up with a few options. This was the only one I could bear to do myself, Im sure you can imagine some of the other ways. I put her and her tank water in a container with a lid. And put her in the freezer. Yes thats what I said. Put her in the freezer. Even that sounds horrible to me. But everything I read said that as she got colder her heart rate would slow causing her to basically drift to sleep where she would be frozen...to death.
I sobbed as I shut the freezer door after looking at her one last time and thanking her for the joy and company on my many dreary days grinding it away at my job. And now here I sitting writing this. So heres to one hell of a fish. May she swim freely in that eternal golden pond in the sky. (sounded good, to me) No fish can take her place but I hope that my next one is as much of a joy as she was. For a first timer I did pretty good and she and I had a nice year and a half, she showed me the joy of being a fish owner and I plan to keep that going from here on.
To Annabella....R.I.P....12/05/2004
