Kellys Corner

Expectations.

2007-01-15T17:33:00.000-08:00

I love when people read this site, even though I would ramble (or type) on wether or not you were here or not. But if you are here, tell me, leave a comment. Feel free to tell me how crazy I am, I feed off of shit like that. Anyways, the expectations, they are killing me. I have lost all wittiness and turned to mush. And with that mush I present to you the song that most represents the way I wish everyone would view everything. It is also the song Brandon and I have choosen to be "our song", since were sappy like that and we've been together for 8 years so we can pick if we want too. ( We made that up, but it suits us just fine so *D.W.I)

* Definition of DWI:

Deal With It

Enjoy:

Dream BIG, Live RIGHT, Be GOOD to your fellow man because you NEVER know where he comes from, Hug your LOVED ones like they MAY NOT be here tomorrow.

Kelly's Words of Wisdom (laughter):

SOAK LIFE IN
THE GOOD AND THE BAD.
BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE
REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAVE.

The. End.

Moving Right Along

2007-01-02T20:47:00.000-08:00

And a new year it is. I have had a many a good and weird thing happen to me since the new year. I am tempted to put it into bullet form but since I already did that you'll just have to hear about it plain ol' paragraph style.

First, my job ended on the 31st. It was project based (meaning when the project ended so did your job) so that was to be expected, what wasn't expected was that the day I was going to start looking for a job (two weeks before my current job ended) my old job (Mazda dealership) called and asked me back. So it was confirmed today that I start back on this coming Thursday and that they have created a new position for me to fill.

Secondly, my ex husband called today. I haven't really gone into that whole thing much on this site because, well, that was the past and has nothing to do much with the Now. But I can't really explain the true weirdness and happiness I felt after that call without telling you some back story so buckle your seats people...the truth will set you free:

I was young and dumb and, like, totally stupid , and just wanted away from my parents. So I married the token rebel of our area. He was also young and dumb and full of teenage angst, and cute as hell in that muscular kind of youthful way. He was nice at first, but as time wore on so did his truth. I will not go into detail about the things that went on during that time, for that is not my right, but I will say that we both added equally to our own demise.

It did not take me long to move on from him but the memory of it has loomed over me always and on this day it was once again a reality. When he called it was actually pitiful, he was yet again lost. But this time he has children, I feel for those children. I think he thinks I am that same sixteen year old idiot who would fall for such games, who would some how swoop in and take care of it all as I did before.

I am not that person anymore. (That sentence feels good, because it is the truth.) It has been twelve years since I have spoken to him. I have lived, grown and overcome more than I ever thought I could have and I can honestly sit here and type (as drunk as I am) that I have NEVER been happier as I am now.

So that's it, that is all you're gonna get, in all it's mystical glory. I lived a whole different life, now I live a happy and fulfilled life and even though the "worldly" way in me wants to gloat about it I feel sorry for the person I talked to on the phone tonight for he had no dignity and that is a shame.

Thirdly, I paid my car off today. I own something in this world that no one can take away from me (probably being stolen out of my driveway as I sit here) and I paid for it with no one's help. I am proud of myself for this and feel as though it is a point in my life worth remembering.

Yeah so that's it for now but stick around the way things have been going for me lately something will happen any minute.

The last 24 hours of my life in bullet form.

2006-12-27T10:02:00.000-08:00

Last night was spent at an emergency vet trying to save a kitten. In the end we had to put him to sleep. We did everything we could but I am sad for that little kitten today.
My mothers vehicle won't start. My dad left her after 30 years. He bought a new Hummer. I have to figure out how to get this taken care of for my mom.
Brandon's mother was taken to the hospital today for chest pains. She lives in Montana and we live in Alabama I am sure that this is weighing very heavy on Brandon's mind and I wish there was something that I could do. But we just have to wait until they call us.
Our heating and air is broken AGAIN. The fourth time in 6 months. Same problem. Purchased and installed a complete 3pc. Carrier System 4.5 years ago.

Happy Thursday, to you.

2006-11-30T10:39:00.000-08:00

So a few days before Thanksgiving I was on the phone with a technical guy to repair a problem I was having with my laptop for my job. At the end of our conversation I told him to "Have a nice Thanksgiving.", to which he replied "I, nor my family, celebrate an American Thanksgiving and frankly it is rude of you to assume that I do."

Crickets. Chirping. Crickets.

Then he says "But I hope that you enjoy your turkey."

I muttered something along the lines of okay and hung up. It was only then, while sitting there in awe of being scolded by trying to be a nice person, that it dawned on me in all of it's hindsight-is-twenty-twenty glory what I should have said after he told me to enjoy my turkey. So I will say it here:

"I don't eat turkey, I eat HAM on Thanksgiving and it is rude of you to assume I eat turkey!"

Now let's talk about this people. Oh, easily offended people of the world. I wonder sometimes how it is that you make it through your day. How you do your jobs, or even drive safely as it seems you are always on the lookout for the next big offense that is most certainly being hurled directly at you and you alone. Then the energy and great lengths at which you will go to in making sure that this great offense has been shared with the masses. And if there is any monetary gain in which this offense may carry with you, well then you my easily-offended little friend, have just struck gold.

Hell, I have even wondered once if there was something wrong with me because I don't really get offended. But no, there is not. I think it is that I am okay with what I believe in, my morals, my conduct, the way I treat people. I will not falter from those things no matter what my neighbor, friend or a stranger may do. Whether you believe in any religion or non at all is okay with me, because I know what I believe.

More often that not what ever you are being offended by you can walk away from, turn the volume off, turn the page, click the mouse or remove yourself from in some way or another. But do you? My guess is no. Why is that? I think your looking for someone or something to blame. Didn't your parents teach you that life is not fair? That world is not going to cater to you.

To sum it up, Let's go back to the turkey conversation. So he doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving. Can you believe I actually gave myself a hard time about the assumption I made until I realized this. (Other than I am just a nice person I always tell people to have a good day, night, what ever and if there is a holiday close you can bet your sweet ass I am going to throw that in the mix!) The call center he works out of is in Atlanta where my company is based so he was in the United States and in the good ole' USofA Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November every year making that day Thanksgiving day whether you celebrate it or not. I can now only assume I should have told him to have a Happy Thursday!

Baby it's cold INside

2006-11-22T08:36:00.000-08:00

Well, it is the time of year to think of what you have instead of what you do not and to be thankful for those things and not take them for granted as you likely do the rest of the year. There are always a list of things on that list that are there every year. Youv'e got your standards such as food, clean water, housing, heat and air, a job, a car, a life to live. Except right now I don't have all of those standards. Like mainly the heat one.

(We interupt this regurlarly scheduled post to tell you that the space heater in my hall just exploded or something. I am still unsure but there is massive amounts of shaking going on as it scared the effing hell out of me and I am now typing with a fire extinguisher and a pair of scissors sitting next to me on the desk. There were three fireballs that shot down my hall towards the computer room I am sitting in at this very moment. Then to unplug it I had to run PAST it and was unsure if a fourth fireball might come hurling at me. I leaped the entire distance of my hall, Indiana Jones style.)

(Why the scissors you ask? Well this here fire extinguisher came with the house and someone decided to zip tie the ring pin in place. Don't worry about me though. I am prepared now. Space heater unplugged--check
fire extinguisher in close proximity--check (it's in my lap)
read all directions on extinguisher--check
noticed zip tie, thought "what the hell" and grabbed scissors--check
do not cut zip tie off unless fire breaks out and extinguisher must be used just in case there is a mystery reason for said zip tie in the first place--check check)

Now we bring you back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

So as I was saying there is not heat in this house right now. No where. It is about 42 degrees if I had to take a guess. I have on two of everything, still cold. I woke up and thought to myself "shiver me timbers!", the thermostat is all dead. They are going to work us in, so there still is something to be thankful for.

Brandon is sick and cranky and now he is "sick of this damn house". I have tried telling him that this is all part of owning you rown home but he aint trying to here it. You see I am a laid back, spontanious, go with the flow, why worry about things that you can not control kinda gal. Brand is a planner and a saver and a the universe is out to get us consiracy theory about everything kinda guy. Yeah, we never argue or fight at all, hahahahahaha!

So today I was going to clean the house, but now I want to bundle up and play on the computer until someone warms it up in here already. Jeez! Then I still have to go and purchase and prepare all the items I am contributing to the family Thanksgiving at my moms. ( My items are: deviled eggs, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and a cranberry pie. All homemade.)

I am thankful for a whole pile of things on Thanksgiving but I am just as thankful for them every other day of the year. It's the family time that I enjoy, and the food. I hope that you and your family have a great one this year. I hope you have many things to thankful for as well, including your heat! And if you don't celebrate this holiday I hope that you have a good day no matter how you spend it.

(There is a story behind that last sentance but I am going to save it for tomorrow!!)

Did you know.....

2006-11-02T13:54:00.000-08:00

I was shocked to learn today that nearly 100,000 horses are killed annually in foreign-owned slaughterhouses in America for human consumption in other countries. No, actually I was outraged. I think that you should be too. Please read the article here: http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/11/01/nelson.commentary/index.html

Then go find your Senator here:
http://www.saplonline.org/horses.htm

Now send him/her an e-mail/letter like the one I sent here:

Mr. Shelby,

I hope that this letter finds you in good spirits. My name is Kelly McNair, I am 28 years old and I reside in Alabaster, Alabama. I came across an article today that I found quite alarming and in many ways very sad. I am very interested in seeing the American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act passed and put into place, as I feel that the slaughter of horses for human consumption is appalling and inappropriate. I am aware that if this legislation is passed that would put in place a permanent and immediate ban on both the slaughter of horses in the U.S. and the exportation of live horses for slaughter abroad.

For lack of a more eloquent explanation I am going to quote a passage from the article of which I learned of this travesty:

"Consider the therapeutic riding programs across the country, where horses can have more progress with children with various physical and mental disabilities than their own doctors. The most superhuman thing about horses is the contrast between their unearthly strength and inherent gentleness. Humans abuse their power while horses use theirs only for good. I'd rather be a horse.

With no disrespect to the eagle, I've always thought that the horse should be our national emblem. When horse accepted man onto his back and chose to carry his burdens, it changed the world. Horses have aided mankind through his most arduous and treacherous endeavors, from the sword to the plowshare. Humanity owes an incalculable debt to the horse. In Native American teachings, Horse enables shamans to fly through the air and reach heaven. To steal someone's horse is to steal their power.

Contrary to what some people are saying, slaughter is not a humane form of euthanasia, and these are not unwanted horses. The treatment of slaughter-bound horses is most often inhumane, and more than 90 percent of those slaughtered are young and in good health. Many are sold to slaughterhouses at closed auctions, while others are stolen pets.
Humans are not smart to eat horses. Horses are treated daily with products such as fly spray, wormers, hoof dressings, etc. These products have labels warning against use on animals used for food. Anyone with horse sense would not be exporting this toxic product."

-Willie Nelson, CNN.Com

In closing I would like to state that this past August I had the chance to vacation in Montana and Wyoming, visiting such great places as Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. As this was my first trip out West I was taken a back by the beauty of it. I remember standing in front of the Teton mountain range taking it in. The untouched landscape, not cluttered by noise or pollution led my mind back to a time long ago where cowboys rode their horses through what I was now standing there starring at. Those cowboys and Indians discovered this country on the backs of horses. Horses who at times where probably much more of a companion than they were a means of transportation. I can honestly say that I feel they would not allow us to slaughter such a wonderful creature for any reason.

Mr. Shelby I am only asking you to do what is right when the time comes and see that this legislation is passed. I believe that when you really think about it there is no other answer. Sometimes we have to stop and ask ourselves if what we are losing at the benefit of some profit is really worth it. In this case the answer is a resounding No.

Thank you for your time, God bless you,

Kelly McNair
Shelby County Voter

Regret

2006-10-27T12:31:00.000-07:00

I have always led myself to believe that I did not regret anything I have ever done. You know because "It made me the person I am today.", that old excuse. I crossed paths last week with a friend, a very dear friend, and it has sturred all sorts of things within me. It has also made me admit to myself that there are some things that I do regret and that that is okay. I only realized this after just now emailing her and not being able to stop crying. I think it is the first time that I have actually even processed the thought of things I may have missed out on or learned or how my life might have grown in a different direction if I wasn't so hell bent on screwing it up at such a young age.

I wonder if her life and mine are now so different and distant that our 'old' friendship is our only common ground. I wish she could know how close I have held that friendship to my heart for such a long time. I thank God for crossing our paths on that day last week. I was in a grocery store that I have not been to in about 10 years on the meat isle at the same time as she and that my friends, is no coincidence.

Graduation

2006-10-09T10:28:00.000-07:00

All my life I have had small breasts. That has been fine as I am a small gal. Over the last year the breasts, well, they have been growing. It is my duty to now pass on my honorary membership to the Itty Bitty Tittie Committee to someone else. Yesterday I purchased my very first C cup bra, at the ripe old age of 28.

So there.

Random tidbits of my life....or something.

2006-09-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

It is a beautiful day here in Birmingham. How's it going Internet? Yeah, it has been a while scince I have been here, so I thought I would drop by and share. Brandon and I were a Groomsman and Brides Maid in our friends Ernie and Allisons wedding the weekend after we got back from Montana. And what a beautiful wedding it was. On the day of the wedding I spent it with Allison getting our hair, nails, toes and make-up done and just keeping her from stressing. I have to say the day went by without a hitch and it seemed to just flow for us gals. Allison has been a good friend and so has Ernie and to be a part of their special day was, well, special. Brandon and I also got to walk down the isle together, he in his tux and me in my snazzy brides maid dress ( I am so glad they have good taste!). After being together for eight years and wondering if I will ever get "My" wedding, this was a thrill because it satisfied some small need inside of me. We were standing on a gazebo during the wedding, brides maids flanked the steps on one side and groomsman flanked the steps on the other side. Brandon and I were on the top steps so after the ones from the lower steps walked it was our turn. We each had to walk down the steps from our sides then around the front of the gazebo where we met in the center, then I wraped my arm around his and we walked down the isle together. The funny thing is as Brandon and I made eye contact walking to the front of the gazebo to meet, it was hard for us both not to giggle. We had this smile holding back laughter that said to each other "I know, I know." We also danced for a whole song, in actual public, on a dance floor for the first time. I love to dance, however Brandon does not and it shows. We danced to Patsy Clines' Crazy wich was more than appropriate seeing as how I sing that song in the shower and well, alot of people might say that I am crazy. Yeah so that was fun. Big congratulations go out to the Newly Weds!!!!

Lets see. After that my mom had some troubles with her heart that ultimatly led us to the hospital this past Friday were they went in to put stints in due to blockages in her heart. The thing is once they got up there they said the blockages werent bad enough to put stints in because they are only 50% blocked. I have tried to reason the logic in that, but I cant. So I have chalked it up to me not being a Doctor therefore what the hell do I know? My Aunt came in from Florida and I spent Friday through Monday with my mom to take care of her. So now we will go back this Friday and they are going to sonogram her neck to check for blockages because she deffinatly has a problem. But she is still here and maybe not the healthiest (far from it) person on the planet but shes not too bad off, so thank God for that.

Other than the above it has been the usual reteric of cleaning and cooking and laundry and work. I looked at houses on-line in Montana. I was shocked to see that we could actually afford to buy one, a pretty nice one at that. I look at the pictures from our vacation at least once a week and I wonder if you really can fall in love with a place, because I truly feel that I did. I miss those mountains and those towns and that sky. I cant think about moving without thinking of my family, my mom going through a divorce and when its over being by herself, my sister and her family that contains my favorite thing in the world, my nephew. I wonder how selfish it would be to leave and to want to do it as badly as I do. Over this winter we are going to put new floors in the house and paint the inside. I suppose when it is ready and we have to decide wether we want to sell it to move to Montana or not, thats when I will have to decide.
I also wonder if a place can make you want to be a better person and try harder at doing so, because I also feel that it did.

Ever scince we have been back I have tried a little harder at pretty much every thing I have done. My house is cleaner and stays that way, the laundry is staying done (one load a day instead of letting it all pile up until we had nothing to wear and washing it all), I have done alot more things for myslef instead of nagging Brandon to do them (which I know he is loving) and just a whole lot of other things. I guess there could be many reasons for this but I would like to thank Big Sky Country for it.

It really is a big Deal, you know?

2006-09-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

So it's been a minute internet and I have much to share. I waited a while to talk about our vacation because I really found it hard to describe. Wonderful, beautiful, amazing, relaxing, awe inspiring and just down right glorious are all words I can use to describe it (and probabaly will) but they do it no justice. In a world where words are so overused that they begin not to bear much meaning I find it hard to write whats in my mind about it. But I will, if for no other reason than to document it for myself. So there.

We got ready for this trip down to the last minute and I worried about alot of things, alot. But after we got to the airport at 5:30am on Sunday August the 20th and we made it past the point-of-no-return (airport security) I began to calm and really get excited. We first landed in Denver, Colorado for a five hour layover. These people are smart because the only places you can smoke are in these bars---"The Aviators Club"---which also happens to have a one drink minimum. It never dawned on us that the drink didnt have to be alcoholic so we preceeded to get pretty lit. Well, as lit as you can be for shooting Jager at 10:30am on a Sunday in an airport bar. Upon finally leaving the airport bar I immediatly got heartburn, bad, inturn causing us to spend like $5 on a little tiny package that had one Tums in it. It worked though so at least theres that.

Our next plane touched down in Missoula, Montana. We made it. We were alive. And sobbered up. After a little mishap with our luggage (that almost caused me to have a massive heart attack) Brandons mom and step-dad picked us up and we were on our way, with luggage in hand. We went out for bar-b-que for dinner, stopped by the cutest grocery store for some goodies and went back to the house for a nice evening before our big trip.

Monday we woke up early got the vehicle packed up and we were on our way. That day we drove from Missoula to the North Entrance of Yellowstone. I cant tell you how it made me feel to go through that park entrance. This was something I only dreamed of and there I was. We spent that entire day in Yellowstone stopping at various points and just takeing it in and ended up in Cody, Wyoming late that night. Tired. The next day was spent around Cody going to the Buffalo Bill museum and eating out and touring the town. We spent another night in Cody and then woke up and headed back into Yellowstone. On this day we went through the other half of Yellowstone and entered into the Grand Teton National Park.

Yellowstone was amazing; at two stops in particular I was reduced to tears. First time, as we are driving along I look out and in this valley there was a small creek winding through it and I noticed a large brown thing, I called out what I saw and we pulled over. It was so far away from us that David had to get out his binnoculars. I looked through them and there I was, it was like I was right down there standing beside this Bison. He was huge and it was beautiful and I began to cry. I dont feel silly admitting it but that was the first time I had seen such a thing in its own enviroment, such a breathtaking place and that moment moved me. Second time, we stopped at a waterfall to take pictures; as everyone is walking to the fall I turn around and across the road was a meadow. A glorious meadow, the creek, the flowers, the mountains in the background, the almost heavenly blue sky dotted with the fluffiest clouds I have ever seen and the sounds of the waterfall behind me gave me goose bumps. As I stood there taking pictures of this meadow tears began to stream down my face. Tears of gratitude. Gratitude for being alive to see this, for getting me here, for allowing me to see what I saw and feel it, thanks to God for all he is and all he has given us.

Onto the Tetons. This one you just have to go see for yourself one day. As I stood there at the bank of Jenny Lake, a little lake nestled at the base of the Teton mountain range, taking it all in again I cried. Again they were tears of gratitude. I stood there and wondered why we cant protect all of the land and cherish it like these places were. Why we as a society have to over populate, over talk, over acheive and over, over, over. Why cant we just stop and be thankful and peaceful and quiet and soak it in. I know there are no answers to these questions but these are the things I wondered, all the same. I guess some people might of looked at what I saw and thought that gawking over a rock formation pushed to the sky from the ground wasnt such a big deal, those same people would have probabaly rather been in an airconditioned room of some sort with fifty hundred technological devices hooked up and going to town. To those people I would have to say I am sorry. I saw a small slice of the beauty this planet has to offer us on this particular day, I was reminded what I was given, how small I am and how grateful I should be.

That evening we rolled into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Very adorable town. We went to the Cowboy Bar where we sat on saddles and had drinks, we watched a shoot out in the street at the corner of the town square and we ate and shopped. After going back to the hotel and seeing how early it still was Brandon and I decided to go back out on our own. We walked that entire town almost and ended up sitting on a park bench in the Town Square. The sun was setting just behind the mountains and lit the town up in a pinkish blue like none I have ever seen. It seemed so close, like I could almost reach up and pluck it from the sky. I laid my head in Brandons lap and we sat there quiet, listening, watching and memorizing that moment for everything that it was.

On this next day of our whirl wind tour of the West we ate breakfast in Jackson Hole at this little place that had been there scince like 1800-something? and we got back on the road leaving Wyoming and making our way through Idaho back to Missoula by nightfall. That left us Friday and Saturday to relax and knock around the house and Missoula and we hopped back on a plane that Sunday morning headed back home.

After unpacking our bags and straightening up the house from the terror that is, eight cats alone in a home for a week, we hooked up the camcorder to the tv and watched the tape. I dont think Brandon or I realized how much of that trip got blurred together because it was so much so fast until we watched it. We both laughed and cried and then it was over. We had no choice but to come back to the real world and get our heads out of the clouds, no pun intended. I dont know if we will ever be able to repay or thank Brandons parents enough for that trip and I can only hope that seeing what Brandon and I took from it and how much it meant to us suffices in some small way.

Now, when my day starts off shitty or things just dont seem to be going my way, or even the right for that matter, I can escape in my mind to that mountain or that meadow or that quaint little town where everything seemed right, if only for a moment, and God smiled down on us all.

Huh?

2006-08-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

Last night I made homemade chicken parmasean and garlic bread and salad for dinner. I set the table and Brandon and I sat and ate dinner together as usual, just like every other night. ( well the nights that I cook, which are about 5 out of 7) After we are finished eating Brandon puts our dirty dishes away and I put up odds and ends and wipe the counters as usual, just like every other night.

After re taking our seat at the, now clean, kitchen table to I tell Brandon I am bored and the following very short, very direct exchange of words left me feeling well, bumfuzzled!@? Please, read it for yourself:

Me: I am bored.
Brandon: Well, what do you want to do?
Me: Hell, I dont know.
Me:You want to play cards?
Brandon: You want to get married?
***crickets chirp all around us***
Me: Huh?

Yes it seems that after eight years his parents are starting to put the pressure on him and thought that when we were up in Montana at the end of this month it would be a good time to suprise me with a wedding. Brandon knows how I am with suprises. Not very good. While the thought is very very sweet, I like to pick my own shit out. Brandon has bought me rings before, almost all of which we took back and exchanged because I didnt like it. I can be bitchy about it too. I dont mean too but like after eight years shouldnt you have a clue of my taste?? (although my taste varies alot!) And what about a wedding dress? Do you realize I am packing cargo pants and camo pants and stuff to go to Montana. Throwing a suprise wedding with me in camo is not what I jave pictured.

What suprised me the most was the way I re acted when I figured out that Brandon was not just fucking with my head. I laughed this weird, anxious, nervous crazed lunatic laugh that would just die out and then I would see white specks and almost vomit. I am so serious. 100% Fact. And Brandon.....awe so damn cute (and sweet) his face turned bright red and he couldnt really look me in the eye because I think his head might have imploded. This is when I said to myself...."Self, this fucker aint playin".

It was the weirdest conversation I have ever had in my life. Not because of what was being said between us, that was beautiful in our own special Kelly and Brandon way, but because of the way it made me feel. I know its not a bad weird. I think its just that Brandon and I have been together as a couple, inseperable, living together for eight years and dated off and on and were best friends for the five years before that and for a while I too tried to put the wedding bell pressure on him to no avail. So one day I gave up. I still want to marry him (because I dont want to go to hell over a small thing like a marriage license) but I guess I just accepted the fact that he is going to be my forever wether a peice of paper states that or not.

I am still processing it all, we will not be having a suprise wedding in Montana though. But to know that he is ready means alot to me. I just have to figure out how to get back to 'ready' myself.

What do you think?

2006-08-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

I was sitting at work a while ago in the middle of typing a post for this here blawg and lo and behold my laptop crashed. Kaput. No more. Hard drive fried? Check.

I think I will take that as a sign

Southern Speak

2006-07-24T16:08:00.000-07:00

Tie-nol.

C'mon get happy.....

2006-07-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

I never really wanted for much of anything when I was a kid, well, besides Name Brand clothing that my mother refused to purchase. However, family vacations werent something common place. As a matter of fact I can think of only four childhood vacations. Two trips to Panama City Beach(A.K.A. The Redneck Riviera to us southern folk) and one to Gatlinburg, Tennesse (also some sort of weird-o southerner vacation right-of-passage) these trips my mamaw took my sister and I. Then there was fifth grade at Rocky Ridge Elementary. I was on the saftey patrol (stop laughing, I dug that neon orange saftey belt and the power it bestowed upon me) for being an honor roll student and at the end of fifth grade year us super special saftey patrollers got to go to Washington D.C. for a week. That was a real trip, where there are planned outings and the whole nine. There is even a cherry tree we planted outside the Washington Monument that has a time capsule underneath it with a group photo of us and a message from each student about what we would like future people to know about us and that moment and the conditon of the world around us if they ever found the time capsule.

Other than the above I lived in Clearwater, Florida for almost two years and Kent, Ohio for a year and a half. This is it people. While Im sure I have been more fortunate than some I have a huge sence of adventure and nothing brings that out more than a trip. And have we noticed a pattern here. I have never really left the south on a vacation and I have never been west. When I say west, I mean that I have never even been 45 minutes west of where I LIVE. You could draw a straight line from north to south at the point that is 45 minutes west of my home and I have never crossed that line. Never. There is a whole lot of country left on the other side of that line.

Well all that is about to change. August 20th Brandon and I will be headed to Missoula, Montana for a week. Yep, look out west I am crossing the line, and when I cross that line as I sit in an airplane I will laugh and point and mock that line. (me looking out of airplane window: "Booya line, take that! hahaha Biyatch!")(Brandon sitting beside me on airplane: "Um, I do not know her, okay?") Do you know what they call Montana? Big Sky Country. Doesnt that just ooze glorious adventures and picturesque sunsets in the distance?

Of course now it will seem like 2,445,678.6666666 lightyears before it is time to go. But, none the less, it will come and I will go. Now I have to go study up on Montana....be afraid....be very afraid.

Where's Waldo?

2006-07-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

I am angry with someone. Someone who might read this. However, I will not express my anger. I will be nice. Anger has no purpose other than to further bother me. I feel that that person is a little insensitive, very grudge holding and has a hard time with understanding and compassion. I feel that this person takes so much pride it it's own self that it is unappealing. Also judgmental.

Whomever you are...I forgive you.

The Day The Music Died.

2006-06-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

I wish that there was a way that I could package my feelings up in a little bow for the internet to read. However keeping my mind on the right track, let alone trying to be eloquent just isn't possible right now.

I have typed a post and backspaced it out now three times. I think I will wait a while until I feel I need to write about it. Please keep my family in your prayers.

Something Happened.

2006-06-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

I just found out that my parents are getting a divorce after 30 (something?) years of marriage. I am going to go process this.

Dribble

2006-06-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

Well there isn't much happening right now in my life. We returned from Atlanta on Monday. We had a very good time with our best friends Ernie and Allison. Saturday we went to the Year One car show and other that looking at all the cool cars we saw Chip Foose and the people from Overhaulin. Sunday we went out on Lake Lanier on a very cool boat. I was glad to be home though. Not that it wanst fun its just that there really is no place like home.

We also finally got a new computer and our internet turned back on so now I can really get back into blogging, its hard to do it from work sometimes.

I have also recently discovered the wonders of You Tube. So last night I caught up with the rest of the world and watched the Britney Spears Dateline interview. WOW. I mean.......Holy balls, that was the saddest funniest thing I have seen in a long long long time. What do you say? What hasn't been said? Why is she making it so easy? The hair? The eyelash? The freakin see through top and boobs? I swear we were only centimeters away from a nipple shot. The air quotes? Impactful? Hang your head in shame Britney for you have out done yourself.

Then I watched Angelina Jolie on Anderson Cooper 360 and I mean, how can you hate her? So together, smart, passionate even though I am firmly planted on Team Anniston, you have to respect the work that Angelina does for so many less fortunate people who are overlooked all too often.

What about the new Gnarls Barkley song Crazy? That is my new jam. I love it. If you haven't heard it yet, you need to. Go to You Tube and watch his performance at the MTV Movie Awards. Good stuff.

Other than that I am just waiting on the weekend. The past couple of months has been so busy with cook outs and going places and my nephew spending the night that I have declared this weekend "The One Where We Are Alone". Yep, just Brandon and I. Good shit. I need to organize my house and I want to lay by the pool and while all of the things that we have been doing are fun and all the new people we've been hanging out with are awesome. I need some time to not have to worry about if everyone is haveing fun or needs anything or if the cats are going to get out etc. etc. etc.

Well there will be more to come........when something happens, I guess.

Colonoscopy anyone???

2006-06-14T11:59:00.000-07:00

Brandon and I are fortunate enough to have an inground swimming pool in our back yard. We have lived in our home for almost four years and we have never really invited people over or had a pool party. This is for a couple of reasons a.) I know that if I invite people over they will think I am crazy and be bored and then I have to be even crazier to entertain them and/or b.)Our house isnt as nice as we would like it to be on the inside. The outside we completely re-did the spring after we moved in. But in reality I know that my house will probably never be as nice as I would like it to be so if I keep using that excuse no one will ever be invited over.

Memorial Day changed all of that. We finally gathered up the courage and invited real people over for a pool party. It went really well so I had them all back over again this past Saturday. Again, we all had a great time. These people are realativly new to us, as most of them we met through a mutual friend only a few weeks ago. In that group are two girls, Jennifer and Kate. Jennifer and Kate are very, very, very nice and I likey them alot. They also have came back to my home more than once which leads me to believe they likey me too.

Of course when your hanging by the pool with a bunch of friends, new and old, what do you do? You drink. So after a full day of this as the evening sets in you realize how drunk you actually are. On both occasions, Memorial Day and this past Saturday, as the evening set in and so did my drunken stupper...I have proceeded to tell EVERYONE my colonoscopy story. Twice. I have got to stop doing this or they really are going to think I am insane. I have no idea what compells me to tell new people about having a six foot rod shoved up my ass and polups removed. Maybe this is why people think I am crazy.

10 Feet tall and bulletproof...

2006-06-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

Okay so as I have stated before, I like to drinky da wine. Oh yeah. However, I am not a big fan of the way it tastes. Once I had this great idea that I would start sipping on martini's every now and then like the ubermoms Dooce(Dooce.com) and Melissa(suburbanbliss.net). Well their taste buds must be dead because oh-dear-Lord martini's are gross. Definatly an aquired taste. So back to the wine- I drink cheap wine. Not for the price but for the flavor. Arbor Mist is good, its fruity and it doesnt give me heartburn, which is a plus. But I recently learned, being the lush that I am, that some of the other wines, in fact, most of the other wines have DOUBLE the alcohol content. Well, I mean, could the desicion be any easier? I switched. So now I have upgraded to Beringer White Zinfindel. It kind of tastes like vinegar. I can totally see now, how people drink martini's--alcohol content--that alone is the driving force behind the not-too-delightful flavor.

It is not uncommon for me to drink the entire bottle of wine in a sitting. Is that bad? I mean there are only like three glasses of wine in that bottle. Well I dont know what happened to the bottle I had last night, but I think it may have been spiked with moonshine. I am sitting in the floor playing on the computer and I drink, 1, 2, 3 glasses= empty bottle. This has been done many a time by me and usually I am left with a pretty decent buzz that I will eat away after I have enjoyed it for about an hour. Not this bottle. This magic bottle o' buzz. I was tanked, drunk as a skunk, drunker than cooter-brown, shnoozeled, gone. I could not walk, I could not talk, the room was spinning so fast that I felt like I was on a ride at the fair.

"Holy shit man, I am wasted!" I exclaim to Brandon as I stumble from wall to wall trying to make it the restroom. Brandon doesnt really drink so I am sure he finds this amusing...yeah right. I had to eat two hot pockets and drink two large glasses of tea, then I cried about our cats (whoa, what the hell? I can hear myself now "I looouurve our caatssp" and the tears pour) and passed out in the middle of the bed completly clothed, shoes and all. I woke up that way too. All of the above happened and I was out like a light by 8:30.

Needless to say I slept very good and I am fortunate enough to not have a hangover. So there.

A Tribute

2006-06-07T07:01:00.000-07:00

My fathers parents, Mamaw and Papaw (to me), were really the only grandparents that I have ever had. My mothers mom lives in another state and is a whole other story. My Mamaw married my Papaw pretty young after he had been released from the military services after getting shot up pretty bad in the war. (dont ask me which war, I have no idea) He really couldnt work much after that so my Mamaw got a job in downtown Birmingham with a small law office as a paralegal. With Papaws government check they did just fine. She didnt know it at the time, but she would work there for the rest of here life.

My sister and I spent many a weekend at their home when we were kids. It was truly innocent bliss. We were oblivious to the day to day struggles that a woman such as our grandmother might have to make or the feelings and stress of doing pretty much everything in her home on her own. We just knew that she was kind and always so happy and willing to spend what little free time she might have on a weekend with us. I recall as if I am still there the three of us, my sister, Mamaw and myself all piling up in her bed to goto sleep. She would sing old lullabies, probabaly from her childhood, until we drifted away to a sound sleep. In the morning my sister and I would rise before her and promptly get the state map out and plan an adventure for the day. Desoto Caverns, Noccallula falls and many more places were traveled to and not once did she ever say no.

She took care of Papaw as he aged, worked full time, was the sole care taker of their home and she did it all. At the ripe age of 56 she bought a brand new Camero and drove it like she was 16 again. She lived her life, really lived it. She found out she had ovarian cancer and then she battled that for three years before it took her from all of this. That was the first person in my life to die. The first and one of the most influential and loved people I did or will ever have known.

When she died I accepted it, after some time, and chose to think of what all she had accomplished, what a good person she truly was and how she had to be somewhere better. But this also left Papaw by himself. The woman whom was his everything is now gone. Papaw lived in their home for the past four years alone. My dad now filling the shoes of his mother, while working his full time job and doing the endless list of tasks of his own. This has been the sad part to watch. A man all alone in a home full of memories. A man so touched by what happened to him many many years ago in a war far away from here, that he sleeps with knives under his pillow and checks the door locks repeatedly in a day because he isnt quite sure he is out of that jungle, they could still be coming for him.

Papaw suffered a string of mini-strokes a couple of weeks ago which landed him in the hospital. After many tests and poking and prodding they released him and told my dad that his father is now dying of old age and that he will need supervised care. My papaw now resides in my old bedroom at my parents house. Of course, if you look at that bedroom now it doesnt resemble mine. It has the complete set up hospital bed and all and every day he seems to slip farther away from us and reality.

All of this takes me back to seeing my Mamaw suffer and being there with her the moment she died. It is all so much to feel and see and soak in. It also has me thinking of what I will do if I ever have to take care of my parents, like my father has had to do. But then you have to tell yourself that this is all a part of life, the way it is. You cant change it so you must deal with it. Deal with it.

My Papaw turns 75 years old today, he has fought in wars to protect our freedom and country, he was married to my Mamaw for 50something years, he will not be with us much longer and I am proud to have had him in my life and my family. These two people, Mamaw and Papaw, will live forever with me, in my heart, in my mind and in my spirit.

Rules To Live By

2006-06-06T11:55:00.000-07:00

I am no easy person to live with (Thanks, Brandon), as a matter of fact it is not easy for me to live with myself sometimes. You see I am picky. I like to say that I have my own set of rules to live by. Just a list of things that I cant do and why or things that have to be done certain ways. Can you see how this might drive one insane? (Again, Thanks Brandon!) Its your lucky day because I am going to share some of my list and you can feel free to comment and tell me how wacko I am.

Rule#1) I CAN NOT EVER EVER EVER come in contact with ANY bug.
This is a serious rule here people. The absolute most important. I have a full blown phobia of bugs and reptiles and insects. I freeze, I cannot move nor take my eyes off of the bug. If I loose sight it is OVER! Once I was carrying groceries in our apartment and a moth flew in the door. I freaked, no one was at home. My solution: Run into bathroom, close and lock door, stuff towel under bottom of door incase this moth thinks it is slick and proceed to manicure ones self until boyfriend comes home to kill moth. He arrived home...THREE hours later. I was still locked in the bathroom. But I had the best looking toenails and fingernails this side of the Mississippi.

Rule#2)No one under any circumstance may ever touch my belly button, EVER!
This is no laughing matter either. I can not stand belly buttons. SO much so that when I wash mine I have to close my eyes and cringe and hurry the hell up and stop touching it already!! I don't know why but I see a belly button as a wound. For all that is holy, something dried up and fell of right there, in that very spot. This is not a place for decorating with rings and shit. I can not take even thinking about it anymore.....next....

Rule#3)Nothing creamy or soggy may ever enter my mouth!
For starters, get your mind out of the gutter people. I mean creamy as in mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, peanut butter and so on. I do not, have not and will not eat those things. (and that's just the short list) On the soggy side we have bread. I can not eat soggy bread, I will vomit. I eat everything plain. Hamburger- meat and bun only. Hotdog-wiener and bun only. Chicken sandwich- chicken and bun only. This makes Milos complicated, I love Milos. But I can only eat Milos inside the restaurant I cannot get it to go. I have to be in a place where I can eat that burger like it is the last thing on Earth in order not to let the special sauce get the bun soggy.

I think that should give you a good enough example. Oh there is more trust me but I don't want to scare you guys. Now leave a comment and tell me one of your picky ways or rules, C'mon you know you have them. They cant be half as bad as mine.

P.S.
A friend has started a blog of her own. I think it would be nice if you went over and said Hi.
Heatherssoapbox.blogspot.com

Civic Duty

2006-06-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

All too often, especially in your adolescent years, we don't get that many chances to express our opinions or let our voices be heard. We try, but we also think that we know everything, so we sound stupid. Only to us do we seem to know it all. As you grow into an adult you realize, if your lucky, that you do not, in fact, know it all. Yes this may be a hard blow at first, but it sinks in and eventually your left with a voice in your head that never hesitates to let you know that..."Yes, Kelly you were SO wrong about that and your parents were SO right."

that's one reason why this morning before I came into work, I went and placed my vote in the primary elections for our states Governor. Then they asked me if I would like a Republican ticket or a Democratic ticket and I totally was all looking at them blankly. I don't really pay attention to who's a Republican, Democrat or Liberal and so on. I pay attention to the names of the people running so that I can study them (at least a little bit). I care about their values, agenda and background a lot more than what political party they represent. I wonder if this is normal. I wouldn't consider myself to be in any certain party. I have a wide range of views on an even wider range of topics. I try to take in consideration other people as well, for example: I am not gay (shocker). However I don't care if you are, I don't care if you live next door to me, I don't care if you get married, I have gay friends. It all boils down to the fact that YOU have to answer for what YOU do. Will it bother me if gays are allowed to get married? No. Will my life change? No. Will I have to answer for anyone's actions when I die other than my own? No. So go for it, I say. I don't want people in office who think and do exactly like or what I want them to. I want all different types of good, honest hard working individuals who can represent us all, equally and fairly. (I know that's a long shot, but just work with me here)

I only started voting a few years ago, I never did before that because I thought it was all a big load of shit. I thought that they were just going to put into office who they wanted to anyway and they just "let us" vote so we can feel like we play a part. Then we had 9-11 and, I don't know, that morning changed my views on so many things. In the two or so hours I sat glued to my television in horror and disbelief I grew up years, ions even. The next election came. I think it was just a small local election. But I was compelled to go vote. My mind flashed back to the images of people jumping from the Twin Towers as they burned and of the men and women being sent over seas, probably some at that very moment, to fight for our country, for me and for you and it was something I HAD to do.

I still wonder if my vote really gets counted, if it really makes a difference. But you know what? To me it does. It makes all the difference in the world. I felt proud as I walked out of the voting hall this morning, like I have in all the past elections I have voted in since 9-11. Proud that I have played my part, performed my part of the job. There is a soldier that will, more than likely, die today. He/She died to protect my right to vote, to be American, to be free. It took me about five minutes and it was no trouble at all, it was an honor. It is also a precious and valuable lesson I took away from a tragic moment in our history. I think that would make them proud as well.

WAFFLE HOUSE

2006-06-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

I am about to head out of the office for lunch. Guess where Im going? How did you know that? Your right, Waffle House. I am excited about it too. When I think about it that could be borderline sad. Bump that. I am happy as a pig in shit because I am about to have breakfast in the middle of the day in all of its greasy goodness. I will review when I return. I know your jealous, want to meet me???

UPDATED:

Why is it that, to me, breakfast tastes so much better in the afternoon or for dinner. I know. Because it ...Just Does. I was a rebel though. You know how they have those signs on the booths that read "Please reserve booths for 2 or more guests"? So if you are by yourself you have to sit at the counter (which I hate). I, just me, one person, sat at the booth! Im bad, Im bad you know it, Im bad! Yeah I like to stick it the man every chance I get. I could go on and give you about ten more examples of how much I enjoy rebeling, but I wont. Nope. So my breakfast-lunch was great.

However, I sat in a booth in the back corner by the window (I think they are all by the window)and across the street is an AmeriSuites Hotel. My waitress comes and takes my order and then I begin to stare out the window. Across the street at the hotel in the grass that outlines the parking lot I notice a girl in a tyedyed t-shirt and a guy having ,what looks to be, a pretty heated conversation. You can totally see his hands flailing and stuff. So my mind starts spinning...I wasnt sure they were fighting(not completly). The more I watched the more sure I was. She wouldnt look him in the eye, she kept her head pointed straight at the ground. There were a couple of times when she tried to walk past him, in my direction, towards the Waffle House and he would back up and get in her path. I was getting more and more uncomfortable for her. Then it happened, he grabbed her by the arm, with force, jerked/spun her around and nearly dragged her back toward the hotel building.

I turn around and look, as the restuarant was pretty busy, and everyone in there is oblivious to what is going on. By this time I am about half way finished with my meal. I am also contemplating what I should do. I see her break free from his hold on her arm and walk away from him and under a stairwell. In no time he is jerking her out from under the stairwell and the are walking down the side of the building. I go pay for my meal, tip my waitress and get in my car. I drive across the street to the hotel and circle the parking lot and there she is. Standing alone crying in the back parking lot. I roll down my window and ask her if she is okay. She looks at me perplexed as to why I am even asking her that. I tell her I just watched the whole seen from across the street and ask her if she needs some help getting away from that guy or if she needs to call someone.

Here comes the ASSHOLE out of the vending machine room thingy. She told me that every thing was alright they were just fighting and that she would be okay. I told her this was really none of business anyway but I had to make sure. Then the ASSHOLE spouts off 'Your right it is none of your business'. I explain to him that I saw his actions and that it only takes a coward to put his hands on a young lady (or any lady for that matter), I look at the girl one last time and ask her if she is sure and I leave.

Only I am stubborn. So I went to the hotels office before I left and explained to the manger the whole thing. Then I left.

You see the CRAZY thing is. Yesterday morning in Downtown Birmingham a young woman was kidnapped at her car in the parking lot of her apt. complex. They found her and the man who took her around five o'clock yesterday evening. She was unharmed. The news played the security camera tape of the ladies parking lot and her ubduction on the news practically on repeat. I was blown away when I saw that while this young lady was having a gun held to her head and being froced in her car and kidnapped another woman comes out of the complex and gets in her car (ONLY TWO CARS OVER FROM THE KIDNAPPING TAKING PLACE RIGHT THAT VERY MINIUTE) and pulls away. OBLIVIOUS!!!

I made a promise that I would try to be more aware of my surrounding and what other people where doing around me at all times. Not only to keep me safe but to help protect others. I will not hesitate to ask questions or even call the police if it looks that bad. I would only hope that the same happens for me if I ever need it. It is sad that we are all so damn consumed with our hum+drum lives that something so bad could happen practically right infront of someone and they cant see it.

Please try it yourselves as well. I wonder how many children we could keep from getting kidnapped or be able to recover from a kidnapper if we only OPENED OUR EYES??? For us humans to be so advanced sometimes we are just plain dumb.

UPS & downs.....

2006-05-31T08:56:00.000-07:00

I am peeved to the very core as I sit here. Today has been shit-T. This new job I have requires I have a laptop, that they provided, I take to and from work everyday. This is new to me as what I needed at work I always left there and it was on my desk the next day. So it really wasn't a shocker that I pulled in the parking lot this morning and realized that the laptop was still at home!!! DAMN. So I drive back home to get it and come back to work, ready to try again.

You see at this new job I actually work for a company called Lemcon out of Atlanta and I am contracted out to Nokia here in Birmingham. They found my resume on Monster. So I have had to get all the paperwork emailed to me I print it out sign it, fill it out whatever and send it back to them. On the 19th I went and had some documents notarized and then I OVERNIGHTED them by way of UPS to ATLANTA, I am in BIRMIGHAM, ALABAMA. So when I get back to work from going back home to get my laptop I get a call from the HR lady at Lemcon asking me why I never sent the paperwork I was requested to send.??????? Fuck yeah, cause I am a rebel and you don't need no stinkin' paperwork from me, bitch!!!Kidding. So I am all like "Well I mailed it as instructed let me check on that and I will call you right back."

I get my freight bill thingy out of my desk drawer and go to UPS and track it, then I get a representative on the phone. I OVERNIGHTED it on the 19th, on the 20th it arrived in Louisville, Kentucky and they have no clue where it went from there. No clue, you say??? NO CLUE. They cant even admit that it is lost until they have looked for it for eight days. So now on my lunch break I have to go and do all that shit again!!!! Forget the fact that a notarized document with my signature, address, copy of my social security card and drivers license and my finger prints are in that MISSING FUCKING ENVELOPE!!!!! I know people make mistakes and when all you handle is mail all day every day something like this is bound to happen, forget all that! Just forget it. I am now convinced that UPS hates me. Dito.

To top it off my Grandfather is in the hospital on his deathbed. I was going there at lunch for a visit but UPS wont let me. UPS thinks I should have to fix their fuck up and if the old man is still alive when I am done then, and only then can I go see him.

Afterthoughts...

2006-05-30T07:37:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a weekend. I hope that everyone out there got to enjoy a nice long weekend with friends and family and laughter and good food, like I did. There were cook outs at my parents house and at my house and a bevy of other activities throughout. Yesterday though was the first time that Brandon and I have ever had a pool party at our house. I guess we always thought people wouldn't have any fun or that our home wasn't as nice as we would like it to be so we just didn't do it. Not anymore. It was a blast we had some great food and very very very nice people and the sun was shining and the pool water was 84 degrees. Perfect. The group cleared out all at once last night at 9:30 and by 9:45 Brandon and I were snug as two bugs in a rug, in our bed, fast asleep by 10.

The home stayed pretty well clean during the event as well, I think I may be able to run the vacuum cleaner through the house and take the trash out this evening and it will be back to its normal self. I am glad that its a short week now though because I am tired and this coming weekend is the Festival in my town that I always take my nephew, Tre, too. So its just fun to be me, I guess!

Two sides to every story......

2006-05-26T06:06:00.000-07:00

Due to spam commenting I had to change it where when someone leaves a comment on my blog I get emailed and I approve it before it will appear on the site. Yesterday Brandon, the boyfriend, read my blog. Something he hardly ever does and found my last post of great interest. (how funny) So this morning when I checked my email along with a few other comments was one of his very own, and first from him on this site. In the interest of fairness his comment follows:

Brandons comment for yesterdays post (Will YOU marry me? Please!!):

I never said anything about not having children was the reason for not getting married. Never said I did not want to get married! I sacrifice things so we have a house(or our cats have a house we don't)a place for us to dwell and enjoy, swim, sleep and eat. you know I sold my (ur favorite) car to get our house.i now have old decrepit vehicles(my choice they are investments)which I work on myself and I don't mind.i have simplified my life to the point I don't have one.when is the last time we went to the races? before I sold my car.4 years ago.when we go to Atlanta to visit and I ask you about the race track it is just blah blah nah.i have gotten so used to no I don't even ask anymore. I have to watch the shows you want to watch which I don't mind we are spending time together but it would be nice if I got to choose something and you watched it with me as I do you.instead of calling it stupid. I am so tired of reality TV f_ck there life I want my own.wasting your life watching someone else's sucks.how often do I get to choose what we watch.i don't even like sports. your never stuck watching a football game. you will say I choose all the time.when? anytime ur in bed. I wake and handle the cats, pool, trash, yard,and anything else that needs fixed or handled.(I know your tired of hearing that) you get to go do anything you want just about.like this weekend you went out I stayed at home. if we had more money you would do eveything you wanted.(me too for that matter) I hender you not.the only thing I need from you to get married is for you to care about our house hold and me. I have all these things that I have to tend to and that I don't have a choice in doing. I just have to do. cleaning and cooking are not even camparable as you do not have to do these things everyday.it would be nice if you did but not expected. I can do those things too but if I do everything what reason would you have to be there. baby I just want you to see what realy transpires. everything around us just don't magically get done we have to do it. if you don't want to do your part now. what is it going to be like when you know you are safely married? you say it will be better but you will never like doing these things. I know I don't, but I have to, as it is a part of life. I just feel like you take me forgranted. I would love to take a break from it all but I can't. even if I could let myself, let all of these things go unattended. I don't know if I would want too because then I would really have no life other than working and paying bills. (wow fun). I do miss being sigle sometimes but not for the reasons you think. I don't want other women or be to be separated from you. I just would like to enjoy myself because I have forgot how that feels and I realy don't know if I can anymore.i think that part of my life might be over. I hope not but it seems that way.

(Can you tell we could give a shit less about grammar and capitalization?!)
Okay so now I feel bad. He has a nack at that. Okay so I guess I am a royal bitch. The end.

Will YOU marry me? PLEASE!!!!!!!!

2006-05-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

So Tuesday after work I got a long overdue task done. Purchasing a bridesmaids dress for my friends Ernie and Allisons' wedding. I was not looking forward to doing this so I put it off as long as humanly possible. So it really wasnt as bad as I thought it would be, you know with all the extra poundage I am carrying around from gaining weight, but it still made me long for my old body. The thing is I became so angry while in Davids Bridal I could have torched the place. I must have gave every girl in there trying on a wedding dress an -eat shit and die, bitch- look.

I wasnt expecting to fell that way either. I thought that I would be depressed when I left from squeezing the dress on my bigger-than-used-to-be-body but I was in no way prepared for the rage I left feeling.

As I have stated before I have been with my boyfriend for nearly eight years, eight long years. AND HE IS STILL JUST MY BOYFRIEND! I dont want to have children so I always made sure to date a guy that didnt want children either, because I am dead damn serious about not wanting children. So Brandon doesnt want children and has confused this whole thing for a sort of get out of marriage free pass. Because to put it in his exact words "The only reason people get married is because they want to have kids and scince we dont want to have kids we dont need to get married." Yeah forget the whole love thing marriage is only about getting knocked up. Whatever.

This didnt bother me for the first five years of our relationship. But ever scince it has grown more and more irratating and sad and depressing. Am I not good enough? I am just the big fat cow with the preverbial free milk?! Does he think something better might come along? So when I walked into Davids Bridal and right dead center infront of me was THE DRESS, my dream dress. Then I scan the store to see what else I see. You know what I saw? I saw a shitload of young women smiling and glowing and making hard decisions about tiaras and tafata and I almost cried right there.

I felt like the ugly duckling in a sea of swans. Why where they better than me? What did they do that made someone want to cherish and protect them and honor them forever?

I tried that bridesmaids dress on and got out of there as quick as I could. I was so mad, angry to the very core. I never want to have to go back in that store again. NEVER. (Unless I am buying THE DRESS)I cried on the way home just thinking of how I was going to have to be in that wedding and how I would probably cry and how they, more than likely, wont be tears of happiness for the Bride and Groom (Even though I couldnt be happier for them and they know that) but how they will probably tears of sadness and envy.

Over the past few years I havent hid the fact from Brandon that I wanted to get married. I cant help it. I have a huge grudge about the whole thing. Then Brandon gives me a list of things I have to change or improve before he will marry me and well....fuck that. He wont marry me if I dont change or improve on a few things, but he will continue to live together with me and have sex with me and do EVERYTHING we would do if we were married. Can we say cop-out?!

I wont even get started on how he thinks marriage is all propaganda made up by the diamond company DeBeers back in the day to make it seem like people had to have diamonds, creating a demand for them. Oh yeah hes even printed out stories about it and brought them home for my reading pleasure. I save them for when we run out of toilet paper.

I have become bitter. I feel inadequate. I feel ugly. I feel unwanted. How do I make that stop? I love Brandon with everything I have in me. I am not perfect. He is not perfect and I would marry him. Should it be so important to me that he hasnt asked me to marry him? Does anyone know?

Lunch or What the hell is that? or Did I pass out on the ground and a dog shat in my mouth?

2006-05-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

I just had the most disgusting lunch in all of the land, no make that all of the universe. It was really bad. Has anyone ever had macaroni and cheese that tasted like sugar and sour cream and looked like curdled milk? No. Really? Well then, what about corn off the cob that tasted like peppered turds and toilet water? Still no? Well unfortunately now I can say that I have had those things and I may have to be hypnotized to get the memory of them out of my brain. Lets just put it this way on the way back into the office I stopped at the restroom and actually pumped the hand soap from the dispenser straight into my mouth, then I added water and gargled. Now when I burp there are bubbles. I still don't think I can truly describe the grossness of it to you in a way where you to might vomit a little inside your mouth. (Which would still taste better)

Speaking of corn. How does it make it back out whole? I have always chalked this up to the corn fraggels. Yes they reside down there in your stomach just like the little miner fraggels you've seen on TV, only their sole purpose is to put the corn back together. I love corn and eat a lot of it and I always remember chewing it, as I like to do with all of my food, so I must be right.

Anyways I am now sitting back at my desk...HUNGRY. That chaps my ass.

Lost Idol

2006-05-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

Well we have yet another Idol hailing from Birmingham. Big congratulations to Taylor Hicks!!! I have to be honest here I didnt always like Taylor, well let me rephrase, I dont like the music Taylor sings but he can sing it well. I wasnt suprised but I thought that Katherine was really really good so I knew it could go either way.

I have a friend that moved here to Alabama from California and she loves American Idol but stated to me that it is in no way as big out West as it is here. Just watch the morning news or what I have been calling Idol news, cause thats all that it has been. I guess its still fair though, but as long as people continue to make it that are from the south they will continue to be in the top finalists with a better chance of winnig than our western friends.

LOST- I missed the first hour due to Idol but I was able to pretty much catch up. Who are the others???? Where did Locke and Eko go? Do yall think Micheal will really get rescued and if so will he realy not tell a soul about the island? Why wouldnt he be able to find it again? I am beigining to think that the island is located in a crack in time and the planets have to be aligned perfectly to enter or exit the crack. I know I am totally wrong but who cares. OH, what about Desmonds wife what the hell does she have to do with it? has she been looking for Desmond all thuis time and could those men think that they have found where he could be? Questions, questions, questions. The writers on this show are good I have to give it to them. the more questions they can put in our heads the more I have to watch it to figure it out.

FYI- i just compltetly broke my thumbnail off. Past the quick. Typing. Fun. Stinging. Poop.

Tomight my nephew Tre gets his black belt. This is something that he has worked for for the past two years and I am so proud of him. So internet big round of applause for Tre!!!!! <**Loud Clapping And Hooting Insues**>

Seacrest, Out!

Its possibly not as bad as I make it out to be.....

2006-05-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was quite a doozie. I have no clue how but, all of a sudden, I have become busy, all the time. We could go through my archives right now and find that less than six months ago I was complaining about not having enough motivation and never doing anything and then BAM. I have enjoyed it, its just weird how it came suddenly.

But lets get to the good part... Saturday night I went out with my Sister and some friends Brandon, my boyfriend, stayed home. We went to the dog track and gambled a bit and then we went to a club in Southside to drink and dance.

I have to preface this by saying that all my life I have been skiny. Over the last year though that has all changed. I am by no means fat but when you have barley weighed 100 pounds soaking wet until you were 26 years old and you put on, oh I dont know, aprox. 27 pounds you can feel it. You can feel it in EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE. I hate it. I know that I am not fat, everyone says I look healthier but I feel disgusting. There are these parts of me now that have never been there before and its uncomfortable. Now when you take into account that I have always had a poor body image, then the weight gain almost becomes unbarable. Pair the wieght gain with my acne (that didnt show its ugly self until I was about 25) and I get down right depressed. Only causing the acne to get worse.

So anytime I get ready to go anywhere I get in the foulest mood ever. There is usually crying and screaming and an object being launched across the room. I open my closet and its full of size zeros and size twos and I cant get those past my hips anymore. I will not throw them away, I will fit in them again I say every time. My tight shirts that exposed my flat stomache have now been replaced with long loose shirts that hide my spare tire. The ass that has always sat round and high is slowly sliding down the back of legs, like a fucking mudslide.

So Saturday when I went to get ready to go out I didnt even try really hard to look that good hoping to prevent the fit I knew would be inevitably pitched. I just threw on my cute jeans and some strappy heels and a t-shirt that read "boyfriends make nice pets". My boyfriend was going to be at home anyway so I thought why try. Then the unthinkable happened. I got hit on all night and not by the weirdos I am used to. By hotties I tell you, HOTTIES.

Now I am not stupid enough to kid myself here folks, but I will let it make me feel better about my looks. I am sure I was just one of many random girls who was 'pretty enough' to try to make the moves on in the club, and when I said no politley they just made their way around the club to scount for the next potential lay. I guess it is kind of pathetic of me to have to relie on being hit on to feel good about myself. But hey what can I say I'm pathetic.

I have always hated that I cared so much about looking perfect. The thing is I do, even now at 28 years old I long to look like the girls in the magazines, the perfect skin, perfect body, hair, clothes, teeth, perfect, perfect, perfect. I also know that they dont really look like that but I DO want to look like that. I hope that one day I find a happy place in all of this where I can be okay with who I am and the way I look.

My ever-changing world.

2006-05-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

Well I have been so busy this week that I havent had time to post a thing. Lets see on Monday my job informed me that they couldnt pay the office rent anymore and since they hadnt paid it since like, uh, last November, we had to be out by Friday. They also let me know that I was more than welcome to come and work out of the basement at their home. Uh, no thanks. So on Tuesday I went to work, after mulling it over all night, and I quit. Then after I quit on Tuesday morning I went to an interview Tuesday afternoon where at the end the man said " Can you start on Monday?" So guess what? Now I am an Assistant Project Manager for Nokias Regional Infastructure Office. WOW.

I am glad that it all worked out and quickly too, I might add. My new job pays 3.50 an hour more and after 60 days I get full FREE beneifits!!! Yeah!!! So we will see. The thing is I had just got setteled into things from my last transition period, now I have to do it all again. Poo. So nothing other than that has happened to me all week long.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies of the world!!!

The day I took a flying leap outside my box....

2006-05-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

So Saturday morning I woke up and picked out an outfit and then proceeded to pace my hall. For hours. I was in and out of this crazy "this is SO not me" kind of place. Finally, I decided who the hell cares, so I took a shower and left the house. On the way to Huntsville I thought of many things but I eventually came up with this one fact. I was on my way to meet interesting people, each in their own right. This does not make me weird or somewhat stalker-ish or any of the sort. This make me a person growing up, broadening horizons and all that junk. Yeah I know I can reason anything out if you give me a few minutes. So I got there and the unexpected happened..... I met five cool people.

I can not lie, when I told the people at the door who I was there to meet and they pointed me around the corner to a table with people at it, I could have simultaneously passed out and barfed. Then after that it was surreal for a little bit. Inside my head kept saying "Am I really sitting next to Miss Zoot? Where am I? Do you think anyone would notice if I just pinched myself really hard? I MUST be dreaming." After it all settled I was very delighted at the table of individuals before me.

Miss Zoot (Misszoot.com)- Well I mean I still haven't processed it. She is her site. Real. Cool. Pretty. Brave. I admire her. Also very talented at keeping the conversation going and just being down to earth. If you haven't stopped by her site you should.

El Frederick (blog.elfrederick.org)- This poor guy. He was very nice and down to earth as well. He though, almost drown in an estrogen sea. I totally told my boyfriend he has to come next time to even out the ratio to make it fair. He seemed not to be to bothered by it though. Good people.

Paige (paigesdeepthoughts.blogspot.com)- She and her Husband were there. Paige was a little quite (who can blame her?) but very nice as well as her husband. They have a dog and no children. Also good people.

Weaker Vessel (Weaker-vessel.com)- Extremely nice and outgoing. She seemed to be a very happy person, like a smile was always on her face. I liked that. Also great at keeping the conversation going. Definitely a pleasure to have met.

All in all, it couldn't have gone better in my opinion. It wasn't a large group but in so many ways that was a good thing. I don't think that I made a flaming, glowing ass out of myself. I left feeling more of an adult, more of a free spirit and most of all more of a part of something.

Busy Bee.....

2006-05-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

Ya know how when you are logged into blogger to create a new post and it displays the screen that lists the titles of your posts and the days they were posted? I just glanced at it and it hit me, like a bat out of hell, that is a timeline of my life. I know, Im quick, right? Anyways, I got a kick out of it. Seeing your life summarized by date specific silly little titles kinda puts in all in perspective.

Well the weekend is upon us so that means it has to get dark, grey and rainy out or else!!! Jeez. I have a busy weekend planned, packed and loaded with fun filled activities for all ages. Tonight I iwll be feverishly cleaning the home and doing the laundry so that I can just get that shit done already! Tomarrow morning I have to wake up early and freak out all morning long because I have to leave at 12:30 to go to Huntsville for a blogging peoples meet-up, get there and totally make an ass out of myself either by A. Being too scared to say three whole words the entire time or B. Being so nervous if I do speak I fumble my words and seem just not quite right to the others. At least I will have an hour and a half drive back home to think of all the 'right' and 'smart' things I could have and should have said instead of " Hi, I really like your blog." Lets see, after I get back in Birmingham I am picking my nephew {*swoon*} to come back home and spend the night with me. From there its really a free for all of fun activities. I thought we might take in a movie on Sunday afternoon, go swimming, go to the park....and so on.

Needless to say, by Sunday night I might be a bit worn out. But in a 'my life is so full and Im so happy' kind of way. Hopefully. So stay tuned well reveiw Monday. UNLESS, I embarass myself so bad at the meeting I have to crawl under a virtual web rock.

Midweek

2006-05-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

Beautiful day in Birmingham today. Lots of work getting done in the office. Yup, it hasn't been a bad week thus far. I started going walking after work Monday through Friday at the walking track near my home. It still isn't something I eagerly await every day but I am learning to enjoy it. I am also all signed up to go to my first ever blogger persons meetup this weekend. Which will also be attended by the lovely Miss Zoot.(Misszoot.com)I cant tell you how much this excites and makes me sick at the same time. I love all things that I can turn into an adventure of sorts and this will definitely be one. I just don't want to make a total ass out of myself in front of anyone let alone a web-idol of mine. I have a plan though. I am going to be me. What a plan right?

I am hoping that this will put a spark back into my love of blogging as well as give me the opportunity to meet all kinds of different people. So wish me luck.

Random Randomy Randomness

2006-04-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

I am so tired today. I went to bed later than I should have and then, and for no good reason I might add, I woke up at 2:10 and couldnt go back to sleep. I watched Raising Helen and finally fell back asleep at around 4:30. BLAH. Even worse than that is unless something changes I have absolutly no work to do today. None. How am I going to keep myself awake. I guess when I am finished I will have to go make a pot of coffee. I dont drink coffee. Must try something. I heard this morning that Tom Cruise and Katey Holmes had their little alien child yesterday. Yes a lovely baby girl by the name of Suri. Maybe thats why I couldnt sleep last night. Somewhere deep inside me I knew all the World would be forver changed. Or not.

A flying turkey. No way.

2006-04-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

My car is the body shop, finally, for repairs stemming from a wreck I was in back in December. So I have been fortunate enough to have started my new job on the same day as a girl who lives down the street from me started and I have been riding to and from work with her. Yesterday on the way we were just driving along chatting and out of no where a turkey flew right infront of the car. Then the following conversation took place:

Me:Oh my gosh, was that a turkey?
Her: Yes it was, I didnt know they could really fly!
Me: I cant beleive I just got to utter the words, Oh my gosh is that a turkey.
Us: Histerical laughter insues

Now I have to say I have lived in Alabama pretty much my whole life and never have I come across a large turkey flying across the street missing close certain death by windsheild. It would not have been good, that turkey was big, total Thanksgiving Day feast sized turkey.

My Humps, My Humps, My Humps

2006-03-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

Happy Hump Day to the Internet! Well the no events happened yesterday evening so I could bore you with how well dinner turned out or we could talk American Idol. Yeah. Lets talk about Chris Daughtry and his fine self. D.A.M.N. You cant really even talk about him I mean whats to say it is very well apparent that he is talented. Who gives a damn if that boy can sing just put him infront of a camera. SO fine.
Lets see what else? Oh, Lost comes on tonight. My boyfriend is odssesed with this show. I wont lie, I really enjoyed it in the begining. Then came all of the re-runs dear Lord in Heaven at the re-runs. So now I just dont care I mean we all know they are going to be lost on that island for a while because as soon as they are not lost anymore the show is over.

Big Love. Has anyone seen this show? I am totally in awe. These people, this lifestyle, how, why?? The sex alone has got to be exhausting. And what about Bill Paxtons jiggly bits all up on the tv screen when he ran and jumped in the bed with Margina. LOL. You guys have got to check it out. It comes on HBO I have no idea when I just watch it off of the OnDemand chanel.

From the desk of........

2006-03-28T14:44:00.000-08:00

Well I have to say that Im getting used to this office and I like it. Not too much went on today just a nice day at the office. (LOL, I cant beleive I get to say that now) So I guess Im about to head home to cook us up some dinner. Whats on the menu tonight you ask? Chipotle-Lime Shrimp and angel hair pasta, salad and parmesean garlic bread sticks. Almost homemade by yours truly.

My life has been sort of uneventful as of late. Office. Home. Clean. Cook. Sleep. Bathe. Repeat. I like that too. Who the hell needs events fucking things all up?
I am of a simple mind. I guess Ill check back in tomarrow maybe an event will have taken place over the evening.

Back In The Saddle Again

2006-02-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

Well Internet it has been a while. A good while. Where should I begin? Well after I quit my job I took a long long 3.5 week vacation. Getting a job wasnt even on my mind. I slept until about two in the afternoon EVERYDAY, my house was spotless, laundry clean, I visited people and stayed up late every night! It was great but as time went by it started to get boring and then depressing. So on a Wednesday I woke up and decided that I didnt want to just sit around anymore and that it was about time I looked for another job so I got a newspaper and headed to my boyfriends job so I could use the fax machine and fax in some resumes, I guess I faxed in about 6-8 resumes and then I went back home. Thursday morning I got a few phone calls from my resumes and went to a few interviews. Friday I was hired. Monday February 6th I started my new job.

Now I work in Greystone at a real estate development company. When I started they put me in a cubicle and I handled all accounts payable as well as the homeowners association and alot of my boss' personal matters. I wasnt sure what to think of this job at first. Now I can say-- I LOVE it! I DO NOT go home stressed there is nothing to stress about, nothing. I can take a back road to my job and get here in 20 minutes. Its an 8-5 Monday through Friday gig. Love it! The best part is today I got a promotion! I got moved from my cubicle to a huge office with a huge desk and most of all a huge window. I just keep sitting here looking around, it is SO COOL!

I was also able to put my car dealership experiance to good use the other day and help out a co-worker who had car troubles but had no idea what to do.

By all acounts I would have to say that Im back in the saddle again. Until we meet again!

Quit T. Quiterson

2006-01-14T13:29:00.000-08:00

Well internet I did a bad thing. On Friday I left work and I didnt go back. Oh yeah thats what I said. Im still not sure how I feel about it either. I guess I was too hasty in making the desicion to go from my old postion to the one I went to, but I honestly thought I could do it. I was wrong. Well not entirely, I could, in fact, do the job. It was all the mental and emotional bullshit that went along with the job that I was not prepared for. Little peice of assvice internet, never and I mean NEVER decide to be a service advisor in a car dealership. For starters almost every single customer will get pissed off at you for something at somepoint during their "experiance". Either they are mad due to the prices or if their vehicle is under warranty and its free they are mad because their new car broke down. Now I am a reasonable person so I know that usually people had a right to be mad and I would have been myself, BUT these people treated me as if I was the person who made the parts, assembled the vehicle, drove the truck that delivered it to the dealership, inspected it once it arrived, sold it to them, broke the damn thing and then tried my best to piss them off instead of fixing it. I am not, nor ever was, any of those people. I simply was the person who greated them when they drove up, talked to them about what they were bringing their car in for, advised them on anything their car needed at that particular mileage, and then passed the work out to the technician to be performed.

That starts a whole other side to the job. The technicians. A job all in its self. Thats all I have to say about that.

Long ass story short. I quit. I could not do that job a single minute longer. I have never cried so much in all my life. I cried at night because the anxiety of knowing I was going to have to wake up and do that job another day seemed too overwhelming. I single handedly wiped out a whole vinyard somewhere with my wine consumption. The stress has taken its toll on my complexion as well as my attitude. Once someone who smiled all day long now struggled all day long not to just melt down.

I guess the only thing that majorly sucks about it, is loosing what I had begun to consider a family of sorts. I loved, loved, loved where I worked and how (before I took this postion) we would laugh all day long. Also the benefits, I will miss those as well. But as to everything there is a flip side. There are other jobs out there with benefits and the hopes of keeping my sanity now all I have to do is go out there and swoop one up.

Its scary not knowing how this will all end up, but at the same time it feels so good to be free again. No one that matters to me is dissapointed and thats the reason I hadnt already quit. My parents never liked me having the job to begin with, with the hours and their impressions of what service people are like at dealerships. My boyfriend saw what the job was doing to me and after talking me out of quitting about 150 times, I guess even he knew it was enevitable. So there you have it internet. I am a shameless quitter who will catch ya on the flip side.

Just one question, por favor...

2006-01-05T15:44:00.000-08:00

Hate is a strong word. Not only does it mean you do not like something, but to me it also means you despise it to its very core and if crime were a legal thing you could think of several crimes that would bring you real pleasure to commit against said "hated" object. BUT, you cant so you dont but that totally does not mean you can not daydream about it. I HATE my new job. I keep trying to give it more time but with every day the desperate cries of hate grow stronger. I wish that there was a way to describe to you what I do in a day but seriously I would win the record for the Worlds longest single post on a blog. Plus cant divulge too much here, God forrbid I get fired that would be the answer to my prayers, I mean, that would be bad.

So I pose a question dear land of the wise internet loving people:

How long do you go hating something but giving it your best until you throw in the towel???

I have been planning to at least give it six months and Im on month # 3.

Should I hang in there or not. decide my future internet or it may very well come down to a coin toss. As I beleive all lifes important decisions should be decided by.

Go say Hi!!!

2005-12-28T06:51:00.000-08:00

Good morning to you all, internets. I have some news to share. My sister has gone and started a blog of her own. Its pretty too. And she already knows how to do way more with it than I do with mine, so it should end up being a good read. So hop on over and go say Hi to her, then youll get too see pictires of my scrumptious and adorable nephew that I write of all the time.

getcoolmom.blogspot.com

Hectic Pickle

2005-12-22T10:40:00.000-08:00

Today is SO hectic. Hectic from all angles. Angles at which I never knew hecticness could ever be slung at you from. But alas, I am off tomarrow until Monday, and its Christmas!!!! So I'll just do what I can and thats all I can do. The whole damn thing is people just DO NOT understand that I am not a fucking miracle worker. I am to them the maker of all problems and the fixer, at no charge mind you, of all problems. This puts me in quite the pickle. Not even a good quality pickle either, a bottom of the jar, last one left, soggy ol' shit pickle.

So I'll be here, being the soggy ol' shit pickle covered in hecticness that I am and as for the rest of the World---ya'll have a Very Merry Christmas!!!!

But I am no athlete!

2005-11-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

I am in serious pain. This is the silliest craziest thing. I woke up this morning same as usual and got into the shower. It was then that I realized my big toes on both feet were on fire. Crazy fire. A stinging sensation I am glad to say I have never felt before. Not wanting to fall and crack my head in the shower in the wee hours of this wonderful Saturday, I did not look. As I stood there during the rest of my agonizing shower I couldnt help but wonder what the hell??! I stood shampooing thinking of the kittens and how they could have possibly been chewing on my toes sticking out of the covers all night. Eager to get the hell out of the water, I hurried through the rest of the process. Upon my exit of the shower I sat in the chair and picked up one foot and examined and then the next foot and examined. Much to my dismay I found under my two big toes, some sort of firey, stingy, blistery, rashy patch. Oh and what a patch it is.

I have never had any sort of fungi before so this is all new to me. As you may or may not know my home pc died so I am st my Moms house visiting and using their laptop. Anyhoo, I decided I would get this here laptop out like a flippin' genius and get on WebMD and look it up so I can be all informed. Well, mission accomplished! I am now informed and grossed out and very worried about the epidermis of the foot region. I shouldnt have looked at the pictures. Damn technology.

So now between worrying about when the skin and chunks of flesh clinging to my toe bones is going to fall off and working 12 hours a day 6 days a week (WALKING ALL DAY), I somehow have to soak my feet three times a day for 3-6 days and then use some Tinactin krap for 6 weeks! This is a sick joke right? Oh AND it said once you get this shit you are more likely to get it repeatedly. Not I! I do not have nasty feet, I guess because now with my new position at work I am on my feet almost 12 hours a day. In. Dress. Shoes. Who the hell knows, but I will now ne the most weird-o foot washer in all the land.... I'll be washing my feet in the damn Walmart rest room to avoid this shit again.

Athletes foot, who the hell called it that anyway?

Oh my my, Oh hell yes.

2005-11-16T17:25:00.000-08:00

Wow there are so many things I would love love love to rant and ramble on and on about. Love. Too. But shit, its all work related. So in the most annonymous fashion I am going to gripe.

Boo-hoo! Poor me! I got a promotion and my job is harder than hard, please feel sorry for me!!!!!

Climbing THE Ladder...

2005-11-04T07:01:00.000-08:00

Wow, time flies! I have been very busy as of late. I got a promotion at work and my new position requires I work from 6am to 6pm Monday thru Friday and every other Saturday from 6am to 4pm. It makes me tired just typing that. Needless to say the pay is good or else I would be crazy. Very crazy. The job is very high stress and alot to take on, it is by far the most challenging thing that I have ever tried to pull off and I keep waiting for something to happen. Im so negative sometimes. But all that I can do is try my best, and that I shall.

My life is all work right now and Im sure as I get used to this new pace it will not be so consuming. But scince writing about your workplace, on your blog, is not the best idea (so Ive heard) I have nothing to write about. To top it all off my home computer died, so dead infact that we turned our internet service off. Guess whos getting a new pc for Christmas?!

So fresh and so clean, clean.

2005-09-28T18:42:00.000-07:00

I have finally solved the motivation problem....finally!! One word....cappucino. Yum yum! Only I dont drink it in the mornings, no not me, that would be normal, and who the hell wants that??? Nope I drink mine when I get home from work. Yep gives me just the boost I need to finish out the day in splendid form. For example..... I used to have a man at my work wash and wax my car every Friday, he did this for the low low price of 10 dollars. Come to find out he may have had a crack problem so they let him go, that was a year and a half ago. My car hasnt been washed since. I know that truly IS a shame. So yesterday I came home from work had my cappucino (French vanilla) and then I cooked dinner, cleaned the kitchen, washed dried folded and put up THREE loads of laundry, vaccumed the house, scrubbed the bath tub and then when I was done with all that I sat down on the couch feeling good. Next thing I know Im outside at 6:30 with a hose pipe in my hand, a bucket full of soapy water and one dirty-as-hell car. Oh wait it only gets better, after I washed it I decided to wash it AGAIN! I sure as hell did and next thing you know I am out there drying my car in the dark.

But let me tell you how good it felt to walk outside this morning and be blinded by the heavenly gleam coming from my ride. So in closing I would like to say......Coffee. Who the hell knew???

Little sidenote:

2005-09-20T17:52:00.000-07:00

People just kill me. The whole fucking lot of us. I mean, really. Thats all I have to say.

Will YOU help them too?

2005-09-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

I have put alot of thought as to what to say about hurricane Katrina, if anything at all. I mean what can be said? I watched a one hour news program last night covering the hurricane and its aftermath. I cried the entire hour. I cried again this morning on my way to work while listening to people calling into the morning radio show I listen to (Ace and Tj) thanking them for what they have done and telling tales of what they had been through. I sit here now tears welled up in my eyes at just the thought of it all. But even though feeling sorrow for those who were/are effected is a good thing, my sorrow nor my tears arent doing anything to help. I feel silly as I sit here safe and cool, food in my cabinets, running water and power flowing freely through my home, clothes on my back and my family safe as well. Not silly as in funny, but silly as in how I take all these things and so much more for granted.

I have prayed for them all and will continue to, I also stopped at a Red Cross donation center yesterday and instead of eating lunch I gave my lunch money (the only cash I had on me) to them. I felt stupid only giving them a whopping six dollars, but it was all I had and it was the right thing to do. Afterall, I got to go home after work and cook dinner and eat and to tell you the truth it made feel guilty.

I would like to urge anyone who reads this to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING. There are so many places in the south that donations of any kind can be taken to. I know my six dollars really didnt make a dent in whats needed, but if everyone didnt eat lunch for a day and gave that money IT would make a difference. If everyone thought about this happening to them and about what they would expect there neighbors to do to help, you would realize its not how much you give its that you just do it at all.

Also if you are in the Birmingham area and are displaced from the storm and in need of help you can email me @ alabamakelly@gmail.com. I can cook a hot meal and offer a shower and help locate a shelter for you. I doubt that too many people who are in need are surfing blogs but it cant hurt to say it here now can it?

2005-08-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

Im just so damn tired. I cant seem to find my second wind. Why wont this damn house stay clean? Oh yeah ..... I live here. And we wont even speak of the laundry. I have chalked the not-doing-of the laundry up to location. I have come to learn that the location of the washer/dryer variety is key to this being a somewhat simple task, pleasurable by no means. The location of mine is two flights of stairs down and the through a door into the garage. Bugs. One word people, that one word sends chills of fright down my spine. Lets have a mental picture shall we? I have gathered a load of laundry and need to take it downstairs to wash and dry it. Now the laundry basket would come in handy here, but it never is, here. So the clothes are now all cradeled inbetween your two arms, hands clenching those few pieces trying to escape from underneath. Down the hall, down the stairs, around the corner, down more stairs. Lets not forget I have FIVE cats, all making damn sure they are right underneath my feet! Now I have to open the door, this requires leaning forward against the wall beside the door until laundry is wedged between said door and myself so that I may release a hand and open the door then through the door kicking it shut before all cats fly through it and I have to spend thirty minutes trying to get them out of the garage. Now I am in the garage. Bugs. My every move has to be carefully probed by my eyes first and given code green bug free security before I will take a step, then well you know I do the laundry just like you do from that point. But shit its getting to that point. But it has to be done. Blah.

Will it explode if it keeps getting bigger??

2005-08-11T12:19:00.000-07:00

There was a hungry girl named Kelly
One day she began to grow quite a belly
It grew and grew; and before she knew
She was a fat fucking cow.

My how the days go by....

2005-07-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been quite a bit since I have traveled to this side of my world. I have had some wine. I have wrote once on this site before of a hurricane and not that long ago. Now I sit here yet again, with Dennis coming my way. We have prepared this afternoon by moving all the furniture off the patio and from around the pool. We do this only becaue we have cheap furniture that can very easily be blown away with a swift wind.

I sit here buzzed off my wine while I hear sounds of Brandon rumbling around frantically because our gutters (Gutters we had newly installed one year ago) are backing up, or some shit. Oh well. What can we possibly do at this point? It is raining by the bucket loads. There is no stopping it. Yet, he proceeds to do whatever it is hes doing, so I shall not get in his way! I have been meaning to write here more but my site isnt as pretty as some others I have found myself addicted to.

Until we meet again.....

And alls well....

2005-03-02T19:40:00.000-08:00

Well I am sitting on my mothers couch, house/dog/cat/oh shit I havent watered the plants sitting, while they are presently in the Keys. Should I tell you I mean the keys in Florida or is everyone just supposed to know that? My Nephew and my Sister are okay and at home. Tre has to be as nonactive as possible for at least six weeks for the fractures to heal themselves. But he is okay. My Mom and Sister apparently made up and then my Sister called me to appologize for the hospital room incident. I went and visited Tre at home yesterday and made a stop at Toys R Us on the way. I do spoil him. I love to give though and he is a blast to buy things for I cant help it I melt. So Mom and Dad will be back this coming Tuesday and everything should go back to normal. I dont know how its been for the rest of you but the month of February was the longest suckiest month ever and I say farewell to February and close the door. Anyway its March now and things are looking up.

Nothing happening at the house next door. Still empty and winterized. And open...with no people living in there now Im sure creatures of all kinds have crept through those busted windows. I really am going to have to take some pictures of this house and my house so you can see. Im sure people who have read this think I must live in a slum. Not the case that would be directly next door. Anyhoo...

Youd think Id feel more at home at my parents house while they are gone. But I really feel so out of my element. I miss Brandon. How silly is that??? He is still only 45 minutes across town and if I was at home hed probably be getting on my nerves, but I miss him anyway....so there. Hes a turd. My parents dog, hes a lahsa apsa named Sam..yeah..hes a pillow humper. You have to watch that little guy or there will be stuffing a flyin'. I miss my cats too. They dont hump anything and tear it up.

I watched a whole bunch of movies over the past week little review shall we??

--The Village- Good in a twisted sort of way. Deffinatly suprising.
--The Notebook- Best love story EVER I cried a river. Brandon wasnt home when I watched this but I feel he would of liked it as well.
--The Grudge-Stupid.
--The Manchurian Candidate- Didnt hold my interest at all turned it off after 10 minutes. Maybe I should have given it longer?
--Without A Paddle- funny. Bad acting.
--The Forgotten- Great movie. watched it twice.
--Blessed- scary weird.

I would like to thank the people who emailed me and read my blog for caring. I in no way intend to write depressing things all the time. I just had managed to stay out of what was going on between my family for so long and I had to let it out. I am truly touched that you would take time to say you cared.

Today was the worst day of my life...

2005-02-24T19:42:00.000-08:00

I can not hold it in any longer. Im spillin' the beans. Keep in mind I have had a few beers and I NEVER drink beer. Today I have been betrayed, my family as well, by my sister. My own sister. I am dumb founded, still in shock!
You see this has been an on going battle between my mom and my sister for a month. My sister being the mother of my moms grandson, it turn my nephew. Litle back story: My mom has kept her grandson for five years (he is five years old). My mom has been great for him as he has for her. By far beating the alternative, being daycare. He has been in a loving family enviroment and has been well read and played with and most of all loved. As I mentioned before he is a genious. My sister has continously treated my mom, well like crap. Getting mad at her because my mom and dad wanted to go on vacations and this did not coincide with my sisters schedule. I could go on and on but back to the story...

Well one awful day my sister drops my nephew off at my moms house and my mom and sister begin an argument. The argument lead to my sister takeing her son away from my mom. That was a month ago. MY nephew meant the world to my mom, they had an awesom relationship. My mom has been through so much this past month that she has been pushed over the edge.

Well if you read my last post you know that my nephew and I had a blast this past Satuday wHen he spent the night with me. And her comes the betrayl.

last night my sister had a car accident and my nephew was in the car. Apparently her husbad tried to call my mom and myself but we were asleep. This happened around 11 o'clock pm. So this morning when I got out of the shower my phone was ringing. My phone never ring that early in the morning. I answered. My mother procedes to tell me that my sister and my nephew were in a car accident last night. I freaked. She then told me how the had to cut my nephew out of the car. I called work and got ready as fast as I could and left to go get my mom ( she does not drive). I picked her up and straight to the hospital we went.

When we arrived we found their room. My sister was asleep and my nephew laid in the hospital bed with an neck brace on. I lost it. My sisters mother-in-law told us the brace was precautionary and that he had two hairline fracturs in his pelvis and a lesion on his spleen and a laceration to somethign I dont recall at the moment. But he was going to be okay. My sister proceeded to wake up and kick my mom and I out of the hosital room.

My heart is crushed, my mind is numb, I feel dead inside. There are datails I have left out and I hope my sister never reads this. They are just deatails that are pointless. But I have to forgive her.

If you have read my past posts you know that my nephew means the world to me. I would die for him to live. I never want kids of my own and maybe I shoudnt have gotten so attached. But he is a glorious gift from God. I pray for him and my family each and every night. I pray that this has to have a resolution for the sake of my nephew and my family.

I should note that my mom is in no way perfect neither my sister or I for that mater. But we are good people going through extremly trying times and I only want whats best for my family and my mephew.

Play Just a Little...

2005-02-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

My nephew Tre spent the night with me Saturday night. I picked him up at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I had already thought of a line up of things for us to do, but I have a budget, so I decided to give him the choice. So we are in the car headed back towards the city and I ask him..."Tre, would you like to go to the McWane Center and the movies later or do you want to goto Chuck-E-Cheese and Toys-R-Us and the movies later?" Tre asked " Whats the McWane Center?" To wich I replied " Its like a museum wiht lots of cool stuff to do." I explained about the Imax movie and the interactive stuff for kids his age. Well he picked and off to Chuck-E-Cheese and Toys-R-Us and the movies we went.

I have to day I did not mind his choice. We had so much fun. We ate pizza and played games and Tre won a bubble gum machine with all the tickets we had one. Then on to the toy store. I gave Tre a twenty dollar bill in the car before we went in, mainly as a way to budget myself, and told him he could only get what that could buy. He was definatly okay with that. Then when we got in the store we looked at a couple isles and came across an Imaginext set. Its buildable toys that can be taken apart and rebuilt differently and so on. This one was a pirate ship and it was cool. Busted my budget and out we went with the pirate ship. We went home and ate dinner and built the pirate ship together and played with it. I really have too much fun being on that level. Then we found a movie to go see, Because of Winn-Dixie, it was a cute movie. I have to say my little nephew is the best movie date ever. We laugh and eat popcorn and I know I have the cutest little man there. I cherish these times with him because I know one day all too soon he will be grown and a real girl will be getting all his attention. Needless to say when we got home we were beat, but we managed to stay awake long enough to play another couple hours.

So I am not getting the Wal-Mart job. Turns out you have to work at least 23 hours a week to be part time and employed by them. No way. I only put I was available for aprox. 16 hours a week and will not go above that. This is a second job for a little extra money--Ill pass. I cant say Im upset at all. So I wont.

Next Door

2005-02-18T18:59:00.000-08:00

There were some people at the house next door. They put caution tape around the stairway to the back porch, probabaly because that whole thing looked like it was ready to go at any given moment, and they taped two signs on the front of the house; one on a window and one on the front door. The signs both read: WARNING Do not enter. This house has been winterized. Antifreeze has been added to the toilets and sinks. The water has been shut off. Somethin' somethin' Reality. So who knows whats thats about. Im interested to see what happens, my moneys on the fact that someone, whoever apparently forclosed on the house, bulldozes it. We shall see.

As for the dog, animal control came to get him. You see our back yard just isnt suitable for a dog or we would of already gotten one along time ago. Not that we have a bad backyard, we just have an inground pool and most of the yard is concrete.

Going to clean the house now, joy joy!

The Parental Units

2005-02-17T18:48:00.000-08:00

My Mom was not a perfect parent and neither was my Dad. This is okay, no one is. But they did pretty good. My Dad always worked, he works at USSteel and always has (except during lay-offs in the distant past), he rotates shifts swinging from 7-11 and 11-7 and 3-11 and so on. This made it difficult to have or even start too much of a relationship with his kids, that and my sister and I were girls. But I truly believe he was a good dad and a good and kind man and still is. And when he could be there he was. My mom stayed home and raised my sister and I, we had fun. My mom put her all into raising us when we were young but as we grew older my mom fell weak to things that have pulled at her her entire life. You see when my mom was a child she was molested by her Dad. That being as horrible as it must have been she supressed it for years, never delt with it all, drowned it and forgot it. She was young then but the longer it was held in the more it festered I believe.

When I was about 12 and my sister 10 ( I was old enough to supervise an evening at home without the parents) My mom and dad began to go out and have a few drinks in the evening every so often. Not a horrible thing. But with my moms festering emotional status this led to more drinking and depression. As the years passed I think my sister and I grew frusterated and angry with my mom for not dealing with her pains and letting them control her, basically takeing her attention from us to this sad state of what used to be our mother. She tried to get help a few times but it led to upsetting her more and things just seemed to be sitting at the end of a dead end street. I turned a bit rebelious and got a wildhair and got married when I was 16--basically pulling my mother on an even more daunting emotional rollercoaster as I played house with a punk ass kid who beat the hell out of me and cheated on me. I remember calling my mom on more than one occasion sobbing asking her to come get me and then leaving again the next day only to rip her heart out. If I have ever regretted anything in my life it is that, for it haunts me to this day filling me to the very soul with feelings of disgust by my own actions. And I fear the memories of this will haunt me long after she is gone. I finally came to my senses about five years ago and really grew up emotionally. I DO NOT blame my parents for anything I have done or will ever do. I am my own person who controls my own thoughts and decisions and take sole responsibility for the things I reap from them good or bad.

It is also important to me to bond more with my dad and really get to know him, I want to show him I care and love him for who he is as a person and not just because he is my dad and the reason for my exsistance. My Mom and my Dad and have NEVER left my side and never will, there isnt a thing in this world that could make me doubt that. Sure there are plenty of parents who didnt drink maybe a little (or alot) too much, but were they there? Really there? I will never be able to get my mother to believe she did a good job and how truly thankful I will be until the day I too am tucked away in a pine box for what she has done for me. Her love and comfort is a priceless comodity in my world and is a gift she has given me that has no comparison.

It is sad that with age comes the realization that one day your parents wont be around, a day I dont want to see for many many years to come. But I want my parents to know that I love them with all of my heart, I love them for trying to be good parents and worring so much about what they did wrong now, I love them for staying together all these years and showing me it can be done, in this day and age of quicki divorces they have stood strong in their love and family, I love them for loving me and caring about my life and my future, I love them for not giving up on me when I was a stubborn ass rebelious little piss of a person, I love them for backing off and letting me screw up on my own so that I could learn from it, I love them for teaching me about God and Jesus and the beauty of what being a good person can bring you, I love them for them both being so tender hearted, I love them for being them, my Mom and Dad.

I thank God above for my family and the comfort it has brought me and I now even in our times of trouble he is there looking out for us. I love you Mom and Dad and always will.

Do you know what aisle the guava juice is on??

2005-02-16T18:32:00.000-08:00

I applied for a second job yesterday. A part time job. Just a few nights a week after my real job and Id still have my off days. Its a nothing special job, WalMart. Please dont laugh. But I already have a good job with 2 weeks paid vacation, great health and dental, 401K and the pay aint bad. It just only pays the bills pretty much. There is alot more to life than just bills as far as money being spent. Although, I guess in someway everything can be looked at as a bill. Anyhow, so its not like I need another stressful job. Im looking for easy money here people. So we will see, I sure will feel bad if I dont get the job though. I wonder if I get the job if I'll get a discount on everything in WalMart??? That would be awesome even if its like 15%, do you know how much of my money I already spend there. That really is the only place I shop unless I need clothes and I have been known to buy the ocasional WalMart shirt, they were cute. SO anyways I am hopeing this might be a fix to my motivation deprevation.

In other news I found homes for the two newest kittens. This made me happy and sad. They still have two weeks before I can take them away from Milly, their mother.

I kinda feel blah this week thus far. The family drama is still a blazin', thankfully without me in ANY of it!!! (Thank you Lord) It has got me all upset though, I dont think anyone could really tell it though I just feel blah inside and Im sure thats why. My nephew is coming to stay with me this Saturday night and we are going o have a BLAST though!!! I am excited about this!

Brandon and I shared our sixth Valentines together. We went out to eat with our friends Ernie and Alison in Georgia!! We went to one of those Japanese Hibatchi cook-in-front-of-you type places on Sunday evening. It was good..mmm..mmm..good. I had sushi for the first time. It wasnt bad, Id like to try more. We had laughs and drinks and a good time was had by all. We followed that up with a little pool and alot more drinks, for the girls that is. It was fun some may say a little too much
fun! LOL. Thanks again for having us guys!!!

The Five G's

2005-02-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

Good--Behave well, dont retaliate, even if it is attractive to do so.

Gracious--Give the other person the bennifit of the doubt; allow for different oppinions; dont always need to be the one whos right.

Grateful--Be thankful for the things you have not greedy for those you dont. There are many intangibles to be greatful for on a daily basis.

Gentle-- Be gentle to others, especially animals and those at both ends of the age spectrum. Dont judge others: you dont live their lives nor do you know what issues and pains they go through on a daily basis. People wont always be gentle to you, but its important to strive for gentility in our lives.

Generous--Give to others freely. Giving to others gives us energy for ourselves, provides us with an undeniable richness in our hearts. The Bible says it is better to give than receive and it is true. While its fun to receive gifts andhelp from others, it is so much a deeper feeling of joy to be able to give to others, especially thos who are truly in need.

I stole this from another blog but I dont remember which, I started not to post it but decide that it is deffinatly a message worth passing along. If I ever find out where I got it I will credit it to them. If you read this and it was your blog please leave a comment so I know. Have a superific day!

Quotes...

2005-02-09T14:06:00.000-08:00

"Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more." --Mark Twain

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage." --Anais Nin

" The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep." --Robert Frost

"As I was going up the stair I met a man who wasnt there. He wasnt there again today, I wish, I wish hed stay away." --Hughes Mearns

"All the worlds a stage, and all the men and woman merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his lifetime plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."-- William Shakespeare

Tangy Meatloaf

2005-02-08T18:14:00.000-08:00

I may have mentioned this before, but anyhoo. I started cooking from scratch a few weeks ago. I get my recipes from allrecipes.com they have tons. I pick the ones I want to try for that week and then buy all the needed ingrediants. I am happy about the increasing amount of ingrediants in my kitchen soon I will be able to just go in there and start whippin' shit up or something. This was one of the recipes I had found and cooked. Brandon and I loved it, so much infact that he has counted the days until the next Tangy Meatloaf graces our dinner table. Well todays the day my friends and I have decided I am going to pass this on to whoever might like to give it the ol' go.
It is not bland like your usual ketchup covered loaf but it is different, we liked. It is extremely easy and the ingrediants are few and cheap. So here goes:

Ingrediants: 1 lb. ground beef 1 dash worcestershire sauce
1/2 c. dry bread crumbs 1/3 c. ketchup
1 egg 1/4c. packed, brown sugar
garlic powder to taste 1/4c. pineapple preserves

*note: I couldnt find pineaplle preserves- so I used apricot-pineapple--same thing.

Directions: Preheat oven to 350F. (175C)

In a large bowl, combine the beef, bread crumbs, egg, garlic powder and worcestershire sauce. Mix well, and place into a 9by5 inch loaf pan.

Bake in preheated oven for 30-50 minutes. ( I baked it 40 minutes)

Meanwhile, in a seperate bowl mix the ketchup, brown sugar and preserves. Pour over the meatloaf 20 minutes BEFORE removing the from the oven. * I almost messed up here you bake the meatloaf 20 minutes and then add the sauce and bake another 20 minutes.

Done. Enjoy. Leave a comment and let me know if you liked or disliked it, if you try it that is, if there is anyone out there reading this interested in me rambling on about tangy good tasting meatloaf. I tried.

Im on top of that.....

2005-02-08T13:46:00.000-08:00

I find that I lack in the motivation department. I think that lazy is a harsh word for I do quite alot, alot of things that are required to do just to live. Well, live with some level of comfort. I work five days a week, rising at 5:30am to be at work by 7:30am, amazingly though no matter how hard i try Im always 6 minutes late (or more). I work all day, and I do work. Yes there are those days every so often when I dont feel like it but this is where the actual working comes in handy because Im never behind, therefore a day every now and then of well not-so-much working is okay. But I digress, I leave work at 4:30pm and go straight home. Arrive right at 5. (that rhymed, ;-) Then it is onto feeding the cats, straightening the house, laundry--which I have come to loathe and cooking dinner. Sometime nearing the end of all that fun Brandon arrives home and we eat. Now its apoximatly 8 or 8:30pm, tv time or computer time or a possible bath followed by the possible follow-up of yet more laundry. Then its bed time around 10:30 or 11. Rinse and repeat.

Some part of me says that this is okay. But there is a bigger part that very much dissagrees. Thus we have the debate, the internal debate per se. What am I going to do with my life?
Now the part of me that thinks that my current everyday routine is enough so why bother adding more to the mix, has points. But are they points or are they just excusses? The part of me that can see that I should be more motivated to actualy have a life versus living just to get by, not only finacially but emotionaly and physically as well, I have found actually has points. Lets examine shall wee? Finacially I am living just to get by because I dont think about my future, I think about the paycheck I am getting next week being able to pay the few bills I have at this age. But in reality is this how I am going to want to live finacially ---just getting by--occasionally affording a few 'extras' for myself and going into debt at Christmas and other gift-giving holidays to show people I love them.
An example of me living just to get by emotionaly would be my friendships. I only have four real friends and that number probably wouldnt be so high if they werent two couples. This though is my fault, I am great with people I like all kinds I try my best not to judge people because you never know what theyve been through, I am giving--hell people like me, I would say. But there is this point where I back off I become not so good of a friend. I have to admit most of this due to my phone skills or lack of. I dislike talking on the phone, I always have. I dont know what it is. This is hard when your friends because it makes me look like I just dont care. I do. My point is I just get by emotionaly by knowing I have those friends and we do have a good friendship yet I do nothing more to make it better or be involved. If that makes any sense at all. And finally, physically because I am starting to get heavier, noticably heavier and this bothers me. I have always been small, I am short--small works just fine with short. As I have watched my body expand I have exerted much brain power on obcessing about it but I havent used enough energy to sweat- let alone burn the pounds away. I am so lacking motivation.

I dont know what else to do though. I cant even think of a hobby I would like to take up and I have really tried. Im serious people. How do you motivate a person with no interest in anything? Theres a question to ponder.

I just re-read the above paragraphs to check for big mistakes and I noticed something. No wonder I have a hard time making a damn decision I start of right by weighing the points of each side but with each new point to a side comes another question. Question followed by question until the points are forgotten and the questions become overwhelming and I just give up. Hmm... could I be onto something here? I have never kept a journal of any sort so all of those questions in my head just got jumbled. Is it now because I just read it that it is clear. Or did I fall in the bathroom and bump my head causing a slight concusion alowing me to believe I am a PHD of some sort now.

I still feel unmotivated though. But I have to go cook a meatloaf.

The Burbs

2005-02-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

Strange things have happened at my neighbors house for the later part of last week until today. Now let me say that I am in no way a nosey neighbor, that is, until something strange happens. It is then that I am forced to see what is going on.

Now let me start off by telling you that my boyfriend and I have resided in our home now for the better part of three years. On one side of us we have a young couple like us in a nice brick home. On the other side of us resides a family of four, their house is as old as ours except it looks as though it has never been maintained...at all. Over the time we have lived here I have increasingly felt sorry for this family. It was two years ago that their front windows were mysteriously busted, and for the two year period after that they never replaced the windows. For a time they strategically placed a board infront of them but that didnt last long. I have seen animals jump through those open windows. I imagine many things have come and gone through those windows. Their back yard is so overgrown that even their dog stayed on the back porch and barked continuosly. The children, a boy and a girl, I would say the boys probably 15 or so and the girl 13 or so. They dressed in all black every morning and stood away from all the other kids at the bus stop always facing the ground. I know this because our front yard just happens to be the neighborhood bus stop. Instead of using their driveway they pull their cars through their front lawn right up to the front door and hop out and into the house. Their lawn looks like a mud pit for a monster truck rally. Other than all the above mentioned things I have seen I have never spoke to them or they to me. This is all I know....until last Wednesday.....

So on last Wednesday I left work at my usual 4:30 in the afternoon. When I arrived home there was a fire truck parked in my driveway and it looked as if our house was on fire. Thick black smoke seemed to be bellowing from the roof over our living room. My heart fell clean to my feet as the thoughts of this went racing through my head. I got out of the car and walked around the front of my house only to find 4 firemen standing between ours and the above mentioned neighbors house, looking up at their chimney. It was then that my panic was put to rest because clearly the smoke was comeing from the neighbors chimney and not our house. Shewwwww! This smoke was not the smoke of a regular burning fire in a fireplace, it was thick and black and smelled of burning plastic or tires. The firemen spoke to me for a second commenting on how the people across the street ( a retired couple) had called them and told them my house was on fire and what they had found upon their arrival. Then I went inside and the firemen proceeded to knock on the neighbors door and then entered. They stayed in there5minutes at most and then left. The rest of the evening and all night long that stinky black smoke billowed from their chimney. Strange.

Then Thursday arrives, I left work and when I arrived home my neighbors were gutting their house and piling it in a huge pile, HUGE, in their front yard. I mean this pile had everything in it matresses, walls, furniture, lamps, dishes, clothes etc. The nieghbors seemed to be doing this in a frantic pace as well and it all just seemed rather strange. Maybe they were finally tired of living like that and they were going to remodel, I thought.

So Friday rolls around and Im headed home after another days work. Well when I got there I witnessed even more odd goings-on. My neighbors, God love 'em, had one car pulled in their front lawn facing the front door with its bright lights on and one car infront of their garage doors, again, facing them with its bright lights on, infront of both cars was a large barrell and they were coming out of the front and garage doors throwing things in these barrells and burning them. Odd. Then later that night Brandon and I heard a loud roaring noise coming from their house so we walk out on our back porch and they have no power--its a generator. Now I am just dying to know whats going on over there I mean its killing me!!!

Well Saturday I hd to work until 4 and then it was back home. When I arrived home they were gone. Gone. Vanished. The front door of their house...wide open... the back door...wide open...the house completely empty. You would never know it had been resided in or beleived it if it wasnt for the huge pile of discarded possecions in the front yard. No for sale sign in the yard. No nothing.Hmmm???

Sunday morning I wake up earlier than usual so I decide I am going to go ahead and cook breakfast and then wake Brandon. As I am cooking I hear what sounds like a dog moaning outside. I try to ignore this for a moment but as my soft spot for animals is,well as big as the pile of shit in my neighbors yard, I went outside on the back porch to see what the fuss was. My neighbors dog. So I went out my front door and over to their back yard and sure enough there he was. They left their dog. LEFT HIM!!! Now I knew the people next door werent well off but apparently all they had ever fed this dog before was what few scraps they threw out the back door every so ofter because I could count every bone this dog had in its body! All of themvisible right down to the poor dogs leg bones. He was starving and locked in the back yard of what looked to be an abandoned home.

So in my pajamas, hair not even brushed yet, I went to the groery store and bought a big bag of Alpo and 4 cans of wet dog food--the good kind. I am posotive this was a treat for him. The dog now resides in our back yard as to it was Sunday and I couldnt figure out what to do with him. I am afraid if I call animal control to pick him up they will surley kill him, no one will want this dog untill he looks healthy again.

I can not beleive someone would do that to an animal. I cant beleive someone would just up and abandon their home either. I tell you it is the strangest thing I have ever witnessed. I cant figure it out and Im sure I never will. Just as sure as I am that that house is going to sit next to us empty for quite sometime due to the condition its in. This just goes to show you that people can be going through any and all kinds of situations in their lives that are difficult. I wonder where the family is and if they are okay, especially the children. I wonder if maybe I should have been a better neighbor, gone over there, introduced myself. Maybe I could of helped them out---I highly doubt it but I could have tried.

My pack.......

2005-01-28T20:08:00.000-08:00

It is amazing how much acts are like humans. Although, I do guess a dog person might say the same thing about dogs ...I guess, I do. Anyway, Right now we have 7 cats in our house. Yes, 7. Let me describe them for you:

Tibias. Four years old, all black, HUGE cat, nuetered and front claws removed. LOVE HIM!! He is the best he sleeps on Brandons pillow above his head every night, no exceptions. He slept on my pillow when he was a kitten, but as I began to bring other kittens home ( he was about 1.5-2 yrs. old then) he started sleeping on Brandons pillow. Jealousy--human like behavior.

Milly. Two years old, grey with some white swirley pattern thingy. Small. Tiny. NOT SPAID. ( I think thats how you spell that, I have never had to before) Brandon does not like her so much because she is extremely skiddish ( again another word I have never actually writtne before). She is that way because of how I came to get her. I work at a car dealership in the service dept. (warranty administrator, not a technician) and one hot summer day two years ago a tech found her under the hood of a car that had been parked in the hot, humid Alabama sun all sfternoon while wanting to be looked at by the tech. She was tiny I guessed her to be about 6 weeks old. They were going to let her go. Our dealership is by a highway, I could not let this be. So she came home with me. Fear she has kept with her since then, fear from a tragety---human like behavior.

Smokey. Two years old, all grey, recently nuetered . One day while I was working diligently at my desk the receptionist came in my office at sat this kitten in my lap. She then told me how one of the salesmans wives was taking a whole bunch of kittens to try and give them away. For fear that she might not be able to find enough suitable homes, I brought him home with me. Brandon did not like this but soon fell in love with him. His soft spot for kittens is bigger than mine. Smokey is very 'in' to things, literally. He opens everything and gets in it no matter what type of handle-----human like behavior.

Bobo and Bella. Six months old. The offspring of Smokey and Milly. LOL!!!! This obviously before Smokeys nuetering. Bobo is a male and he looks just like Smokey, his Dad. They even act EXACTLY alike. Right now Bobo is laying on the desk beside me where Smokey has always laid and they look just alike. Bella is a female and she looks exactly like her mother. The same small, tiny frame and all. Watching them grow and learn things has made me veiw them as children with totally---human like behavior.

The above cats mentioned were ALL keepers in this house. Sometimes Brandon says he would like to give Milly and Bella away but I willl not accept this. First of all I find it sexist. Why does he want to give only the female cats away? Secondly, I will not turn my back on a cat that has resided in our home for more than 3 months. They become family then, we get them acustomed to a certain lifestyle and I will not shove them off. No. Not happening. But then there are the other two...

Unnamed and Unnamed. One and a half WEEKS old. Both grey as of now, have no clue as to the sex of them. Offspring of Milly and Smokey, again before Smokey was RECENTLY neutered. These are going, they just have too. There comes a point when you have to draw they line. These kittens however are here because of negligance on mine and Brandons part. We should have had Smokey and Milly fixed before this could of happened. But that is water under the old bridge my friend. either way I am going to try and find them the best homes I can but if I cant then I will not take them to the pound. I cant bear the thought of them possibly being killed before someone addopts them and the only reason they are here is because of me not being a responsible pet owner. So we shall see.

I love all of my cats. They comfort me. To hear their purr when I reach my hand out to them lets me know I am appriciated for what I do for them. A jump in my lap followed by them laying down lets me know they are also comforted by me. They tell us when they are hungry, mad, ready to play, they have US trained to give them water out of our bathroom faucet and if we do not come when they call they will knock everything off of the bathroom counter untill we do. HUMAN like behavior.

I thank God for giving us domesticated animals, I think he knew that sometimes we would need the comfort of something free from evil just a being created by God to be a companion with.

Blogs R Us

2005-01-27T17:46:00.000-08:00

Ever scince I stumbled on to this whole blogging thing it has intrigued me. I have always been a people watcher. The thought that we all inhabit the same planet together and are built as humans, the same, and for the most part we all go through similar if not the same events, tragities and good fortune as everyone else---but yet we are all so consumed in our own little bubbles that are 'our worlds' that we often forget this fact is amazing to me. (theres a run-on for ya) I know I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one in the world going through life with the feelings I have, yet at the same time I feel sad for the other people out there who share my sentiment. Sometimes it can be downright depressing.

So I started a blog of my own. I have enjoyed it too, its nice to have a place to say whats on your mind and not have to explain it. But I have also found that looking at other peoples blogs can be addictive. Everyone is interesting in their own ways and the way people write on their blogs, usually quite candid, makes me laugh. I had no idea it was so popular either, there is a blog about everything and tons of blogs about nothing, like this one.

I have alot of ideas for the look of this blog, but all I know how to do on a computer is type. Damn. So for now thats what I will do, when I feel the need. Thank you to all the other bloggers for the good reading I do instead of my job. (NOTE TO BOSS: just kidding) Until next time..........blog on!

The Blue Alabama Sky

2005-01-23T12:02:00.000-08:00

I love Sunday mornings. They seem to be my most peaceful times. It has almsot become ritual like, the way Brandon and I go about our morning on this particular day. We wake up just whenever we do, no alarm clock. We usually lay there a while just us and act silly as we wake, I know this because most mornings Im laying there laughing. Then its up to mosey around the house a bit, see what kind of day it is outside and tend to the pack of cats we call our children. Then the couch, we plop down on the couch for about an hour or two and watch Brandons car shows. He has a line up. Yes, I know, I do not enjoy this but it is me trying to bond and do something he likes.(note to reader: ALL he likes is car shit) I have found that over time you get used to the pain and I learn a thing or two so that when Brandon talks about it, which he does ALL THE TIME, I actually am not just lost. When I get lost in a conversation my mind tends to wander and then I always answer the person with..."Yeah, uh-huh", no matter what they say.

So back to the morning. Sometime during the tv watching Bradons mom calls, every Sunday. She lives in Utah so that is her 'time to call' so to speak. During this phone call I usually get up and straighten the house or cook breakfast/lunch. Today I laid on the couch a bit and stared out the window. It made me feel good. We have two big windows in our living room. The sky is so clear and blue today and it is a cold crisp winter morning. The beauty of it all amazes me still every day. The awe I have for the world around me sometimes seems to take my breath. It humbles me, thats for sure. Lets me know just how small I am in this whole big picture, how small we all are. It makes me thankful for my small slice of this life, no matter how difficult times may get they still are just that...times. Times I was blessed with to have and to have had them no matter how good or bad they were is better than never having them at all. It amazes me that just looking at a beautiful sky can make my mind dip so deep into thought about life and exsistance and gratitude. I am thankful I have an eye for the beauty we are surounded by, because that pictue can easily become a tainted one when you begin to factor in the harsh realities of this world. I enjoy these mornings, yes I do, I feel in some ways they help shift my attitude from the problems of the past week back to being me.

God Bless the little ones...

2005-01-22T02:02:00.000-08:00

Well I would love to say that my family drama has subsided, much to my dismay it has not and neither has my current emotional status. As a matter of fact the whole stituation may have slightly worsened. And no I havent gotten myself in the middle of it and I am not going to. Lets just say that I may have to have a new tongue put in my mouth from biting it so much the past week. None the less, I have managed to stay neutral, I am Sweden. Since I can not go into my problem let me get this off my chest.

I will be 28 years old next Sunday (Jan. 30), I have never wanted to have kids. NEVER. I didnt play with dolls as a child, I did not play house. It has never interested me. When I was younger I didnt want them because they seemed to be an awful fuss and alot of trouble. As I grew older I did not want one for selfish reasons like- I would rather spend my money on me or I want to go and come as I please and not have to worry about having a child. People ALWAYS say and I qoute " Awww youll change your mind one day." Let me clear that up right now for those of you who dont get it.... I am NEVER having kids. God and I have an agreement.
This is an absolute fact. I feel so strongly about it that I dont see why anyone would want to have children.

So five years ago my sister had her first and so far only child, my nephew. Boy did that change my oppinion of children altogether. I know what your thinking and your wrong. Up until this point kids were gross snotty loud crying injury prone money pits- to me. And then I met him...my nephew. I did not know that I had that much love in me to give to someone. I mean I have loved a few people in my life but noone even came close to the feelings that this tiny shriveled little thing of a person made me feel.

These past five years have been the greatest blink of an eye I have ever shared with a person. I have watched this tiny baby grow like a weed and witnessed him learn, say and do things that blow me away. You do know he is a genius right? No matter all the mistakes I have made in my life or how many times I had let my family down I was given a brand new chance to be there for the newest edition of my family, to form a bond, to be special to him as he is to me....to be the best Aunt I can be.

But even after all of this ----it has made me feel even more strongly about not wanting a child. I love my nephew so much and I worry about him from time to time just because he has his whole life ahead of him and there are so many variables that will predict the quality and outcome of his life it seems almost uncontrolable to me. I have always heard the expression-' it takes a village'- in terms of bringing up a child. Well if thats the case were up shit creek. Hopefully Im not the only one whos noticed but the 'village' is full of weirdos, kidnappers, killers, pedifiles and evil. Yes there are also good people out there who do everything right at home and raise there children to the best of their ability but they still have to open there front door at some point and let there little one loose in the 'village'.

I am now more posotive than I have ever been about my decision not to have kids. I do not think I could bear the pain that would come along with it. Mad props to all the Moms of the world, the good ones that is. As for me, I have my nephew, thats about as close to the experiance as I want to get.

Frustrated......among other things.

2005-01-20T15:54:00.000-08:00

Right now I sit here upset. I sat down at this computer not 5 minutes ago, happy, eager to write my upbeat post about upbeat things.....and then the phone rang. Oh and how I long to go into detail about the origin of my current sadened state. I cant. I guess there are some things that you shouldnt post on the web. As theraputic as it may seem at the time a topic of family interest and disfunctionality might come back to bite me in the ass if I dish it out to the world. Or whoever it is that comes here to read.(Hey Allison!!!!!) Lets just say it is extremely frustrating when someone in your family is hurting and there is nothing you can do to help make it better. It is out of your hands, and if you tried to make it better you would probably make it worse and then also become caught in the middle. (that last part I know from experiance)

So now I am in no mood to be upbeat or go on and on about how I am planning a trip to Jamaica. As a matter of fact I am in no mood at all. Funny. I feel empty. Helpless. What to do?
Shit. No I dont have to , just.......shit.

On to other news my cat Milly had kittens AGAIN!! They are two days old. I am not getting attached to these though because they are outta here as soon as they can say... eight weeks old. Fortunatly she only had two this time also, less new homes to find!! I can feel this post turning into a dud and for that I am sorry. My mind is mush right now so I will return at a later date and try this whole thing again.

'Tis The Season...

2004-12-31T15:37:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!! Well its almost here, right now its 5:36pm and I'm waiting for Brandon to get home so we can leave for Atlanta. The new year is upon us and Id like to wish everyone a safe and happy one. I do hope that many things turn for the better in 2005 and that the good things all around us multiply. When I say this I mean for the entire World as well as you and I. So many people recently lost their homes and families, if not their lives, in the recent tsunami. It sadenss me deeply to even try and picture that, even though I dont think I can. I have never expierianced loss or devastation at any level close to what they must be, I imagine it is probably 1000 times worse than the worse I could picture it to be. I pray for those people--we all should.

But there is also good in the World and for that I am thankful.

I have often wonder around this time what exactly all the fuss of a new year is. Isnt it really just tomarrow--just the next day--another day--same as today. Why yes Kelly, I think it is. But the thought of a NEW year, a clean slate is appealing to people I guess. I know I will be tomarrow who I am now and the things I want change about myself then I do now.

Brandons home--where out---Happy NEW Year!!!

A Tribute To My Fish............

2004-12-05T17:17:00.000-08:00

Today I had to 'put my fish down'. This is a sad day for me, as for my fish Annabella. I got her on my lunch break a year and a half ago, on a whim. I was having a bad day, needed something to brighten my spirits. So I took her back to work, new tank and all the trimmings!!! I asked my boss if I could keep her there at work on my desk (I have a HUGE desk and lots of people go by it in a day). He said yes and so it was. She was an angelfish, a gold angelfish to be exact. Beautiful. About the size of a quarter with flowing fins. I named her Annabella because she was so pretty she had to be a girl.

I bought a book on how to care for her, due to this being the first fish Ive ever had. I did everything like it said and she was happy. I would sing to her when no one was around. She would swim over to the side of the tank where she could see me as if she was listening. When I would feed her she would wag all of her fins like a puppy. EVERYONE loved her at my work, co-workers, customers, children.....you name it. She grew to be quite big and even more pretty and smart, for a fish. But something strange was happening. The larger she grew the larger her lips grew.

Everyone began to comment on how big the fishes lips were. I never knew something could be wrong. I never had a fish before, they seemed to just be growing with her so I figured....hmmm, okay so maybe it has lips. Well over the last two weeks the lips have grown huge, they stick about a 1/4 inch off of her. So yesterday I decided to research it just to see what I would find. Why had I not thought of this before??? Beats the heck out of me. What did I find??? Lip fibroma. Yeah I know, what the hell is that?Right? Come to find out it is some sort of virus caused by something no ones knows, and there is no cure or treatment. The lips just grow until the fish can no longer eat and it starves to death. STARVES TO DEATH!!!!

Then I began to think about how Ive noticed her having trouble eating over the past few weeks. I fed her six times yesterday at work. I dont think she really was able to get enough in her mouth to amount to anything. My co-workers also agreed based on the fish and the onfo I had found basically everywhere that her fate was now sealed and it seemed to be a matter of time before she too starved to death. I could not have this. But I could not stop it either. What to do? I stared at Annabella the rest of my work day yesterday in a daze. The joy in my heart when I look at her suddenly had this could looming over it...I could not let her suffer. I cried. Yes Im admitting it, I damn well did CRY. I did feel silly at the same time too... it is a fish...a fish...fish.

It is funny how you can be so attached to something and not really know it until it is gone or on its way out the door. I think what it was also, was I knew that I was going to miss the simplicity of it. The fish... you care for it - it is pretty and happy---you get joy from that. No words ever spoken- just a basic comitment. There is something to be said for that.

So that brings us to today. After I attended my nephews fifth birthday party at the local Chuck-E-Cheese, I went by my work. I tried to feed her again and there was no luck. I knew what I had to do. The fish isnt going to tell me when its starving to death and its fate has been sealed so I had to get it before it got her! I put Annabella in a bag full of water from her tank and brought her home. I researched the net for the most humane way to go about this and I came up with a few options. This was the only one I could bear to do myself, Im sure you can imagine some of the other ways. I put her and her tank water in a container with a lid. And put her in the freezer. Yes thats what I said. Put her in the freezer. Even that sounds horrible to me. But everything I read said that as she got colder her heart rate would slow causing her to basically drift to sleep where she would be frozen...to death.

I sobbed as I shut the freezer door after looking at her one last time and thanking her for the joy and company on my many dreary days grinding it away at my job. And now here I sitting writing this. So heres to one hell of a fish. May she swim freely in that eternal golden pond in the sky. (sounded good, to me) No fish can take her place but I hope that my next one is as much of a joy as she was. For a first timer I did pretty good and she and I had a nice year and a half, she showed me the joy of being a fish owner and I plan to keep that going from here on.

To Annabella....R.I.P....12/05/2004

Happy Birthday, Dear!!!

2004-11-13T14:15:00.000-08:00

Today is my boyfriend of five years 28th birthday. This marks the sixth birthday I have shared with him and that means more to me with each passing year. I love the fact that our relationship has lasted five years. The longer we last the more proud I become, rightfully so I guess. It hasnt been a completely smoothe journey and I think that in many ways that just adds to my feeling of proudness. The fact that two people can disagree on many things--have the occasional tiff between each other and still overcome it all for the plain and simple fact that we do agree on one thing whole heartedly---the love we share for each other. There definalty is something to be said about that, yes indeedy!!

I would like to take a minute to thank Brandon for all that he has brought into my life and the things he has taught me. This is a person whom I trust with every inch of my being. A person with wich I share the common verbal phrase " I love you", but in my heart I know he could never utter those words to me again and I still wouldnt doubt the love he has for me. ( dont get me wrong I do like hearing it, tho!) He has helped me go from a pretty irresponsible person to being well on my way to official adult-hood. Now he is not perfect, by any means. But the things that I dislike about him I have even grown to love. Because in the grand scheme of things the things that I dont like about him are so minor and trivial-- they are more quirks than bad habbits or behavior.

So in closeing----Happy Birthday Brandon---may we be together for many many more. May our relationship and respect for each other grow each year with our ages. Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for loving me, crazy silly me, and all that goes along with that.

Cheers!

Ivan the Terrible

2004-09-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

Well here in Alabama today we are all preparing for hurricane Ivan. Its amazing how fast bread and milk sell out in a disaster. Everyone is so concerned about the power being out for a long period of time, so why buy milk?? I must admit though, I bought into it all myself and was at Wal-Mart last night with the rest of the state of Alabama. So now I am prepared as I think I should be but not overly prepared--like the end of the world is upon us.

My boyfriend, Brandon, and I just had our house sided and new windows put in this past spring so I hope that nothing happens to it. Brandon says not to worry thats what homeowners insurance is for, but I dont even want the hassel of all that. We live on the top of a hill so I dont think there will be any flooding but the wind will be wipping around us. So now its just a waiting game. Waiting on anything is never fun, but waiting for a disaster is unsettling to say the least. Its the unexpected stuff thats never fun.

This evening when I get home from work I will post a few pictures of our house as 'before' pictures and finish this post. Then afterwards I will post a few 'after' pictures. I am crossing my fingers and saying a prayer that you will not be able to tell the differance between the 'before' and 'after' pictures.

2004-08-29T16:03:00.000-07:00

The two new kitttens. Three days old. GOT MILK??

2004-08-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

Me asleep with the daddy, Smokey, of my two new kittens.

The Miracle of Life

2004-08-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

This morning my cat had her kittens!!! I had no idea that she was that close to having them and I was truly amazed at the sight of them. She had them under my bed while I was sleeping. There are two of them and I am going to keep them both. that makes the cat count in our house up to five now. Thats where we are going to have to stop too. I have already called the vets office and scheduled a neutering session for the daddy on this Wednesday.

I am so happy about the new life at home. I have always had pets but never had any that had kittens/puppies. I am already attached to them and they arent even 6 hours old yet!!!

Blah-ditty-blah

2004-08-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy week for me, and I am proud of this. I always feel good when I get alot done. I cleaned my house from top to bottom on Sunday. Not a speck of dust nor a stitch of dirty laundry in here, no sir.But, to my dismay, I woke up Monday morning with a fever. So I had a cold until today, thank goodness its gone. I got alot of work done today, wich is always a good thing. You see there is so much going on around me at my job,co-workers, customers and phones that never seem to stop ringing. All of that makes it very hard to concentrate on my specific job. I find many days where I have to concentrate extremely hard on ignoring everything around me just to concentrate on my job. Whewww, thats alot of damn concentrating going on!

So Saturday my really good friends moved away. They didnt move too far, it is out-of-state but only a three hour road trip. But I was still deeply sadened by them leaving and I already miss them a great deal. It is a move up for them, better job and getting their first house, so I am definatly happy for them and wish them all the best in the world. It was especially hard for me though because I dont get too close to alot of people. Friendship is a hard thing to be a part of. Not that I dont like it. It really requires alot of thinking about 'other' people. This I am not good at. Well not entirely, I do think about my friends all the time and care for them alot. But its the showing it part that I have a hard time with. At least I recognize my lack of good friendship skills and want to better them. But that like alot of things I want to better about myself I just seem to put off. and off. and off....You get the picture.

At least Im not sick anymore. Boy that sucked. But get this, now my boyfriends sick. Ooops. Im thinking of quarenteening him so that I dont catch it again. Nah, couldnt do that. Maybe Ill make him some soup. see that would be a nice thing to do. What-do-ya know I am nice.

Thats about all the boreing news I have today. Sorry if you read this and now your dissapointed cause it sucks. I hate it when that happens.

Spitballs and Forcefields

2004-08-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

Negative energy, don't we all have some of this within? I would think we would have to considering all of it that surrounds us. Is there a way to completely block it out and if so will it make me a happier person. You see, I am a fairly happy person. I enjoy laughing and being silly and letting the inner child in me come out to play every so often.

So last night I and a few friends were having a little get together. Ya know some jokes a few bottles of wine couple hands of cards. The usual. Well I had heard this news story on the radio earlier in the day that just made me think....wow....Weird. Crazy. So let me enlighten you guys on this rather odd and extremely disgusting news tidbit that fell into my lap while driving.

In some state that I'm unsure of last week there was a dentist who had his license taken away from him for injecting his "happy juice" into the mouths of his un-suspecting patients, telling them it was a dental rinse, and then asking them to swallow it. Well, apparently a few of the poor women this happened to knew what it was they had just tasted and got together and sued him. Upon a search of the dentists office they found several syringes in his desk drawer full of said "happy juice". YUCK!

Ok so the point to that was... my boyfriend walked in the room where me and my friends were all hanging out after he had come out of the bathroom and wiped his wet hand on me. Triggering me to think 'ewwww he just wiped pee on me' which then triggered me to think of the news story I had heard earlier cause it has to do with bodily fluids. So I tell my friends the story, mainly to gross them out as it did me. Then this guy, we will call him John. ( not my friend) starts telling me what a negative person I am and how he doesn't even listen to things like that because he doesn't allow negative energy to consume him. Okay, I am thinking John is a complete fucking moron. I was just sharing a news story. Then he goes into how he has this forcefield around him that no negativity can withstand. To quote him " It would be like a spitball hitting an airplane." What the fuck, dude??? By this point everyone is confused now and they all we all just keep saying, Huh? Huh? What? I'm confused.

Sometimes I just do not understand where people are coming from. Maybe someone reading this will understand where he was coming from. If so let me know. Until next time---

First things first.

2004-08-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

I would like to start out with a little explanation as to who I am and why I have created this little corner of my world. Although, I feel like who I am will probably reveal itself to you readers through these blogs more than I could ever explain. So on to why I have created this blog then shall we?
I stubbled across this the other day while 'taking a little break' from work. You see I always read the Real World/Road Rules Blog spot. I just love both of those shows, it truely is an obbsesion. So somehow I ended up here and I thought to myself; this would be a neat thing to do. I can truley express real feelings on all kinds of subjects and the worse thing that will happen is no one will read it. Not so bad. I also could use the typing practice and learn a little more about my computer, also. So I am going to learn as I go, hopefully I wont do too bad.
I do feel like I should tell a little basic history about myself though so here it is. I was born in Birmingham, Alabama where I grew up living a twisted version of a somewhat normal life until I was 16. At that age I got married ( yes I know 'married at 16, lives in Alabama' I am not that stereotype. Though I do meet all the qualifications!) and stayed married until I was 19 and living in Tampa, Florida. I left my husband and came home to Alabama. Then I met someone and left for Cleveland, Ohio, where I resided for three years and returned back to Alabama at the age of 21. For the past five years I have been living with my boyfriend in our house here in Alabama.
I have had all types of jobs and many reasons for the choices I have made. Some not very good ones I will have to admit. However, I would not change a thing. I am mostly happy with the person I am today and where I am at. I do fight inner-battles constanty it seems and struggle with the state of the world and the people in it among many other things.
I do not want to overwhelm anyone so thats where Im stopping for today. Till next time------