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God Bless the little ones...

Well I would love to say that my family drama has subsided, much to my dismay it has not and neither has my current emotional status. As a matter of fact the whole stituation may have slightly worsened. And no I havent gotten myself in the middle of it and I am not going to. Lets just say that I may have to have a new tongue put in my mouth from biting it so much the past week. None the less, I have managed to stay neutral, I am Sweden. Since I can not go into my problem let me get this off my chest.

I will be 28 years old next Sunday (Jan. 30), I have never wanted to have kids. NEVER. I didnt play with dolls as a child, I did not play house. It has never interested me. When I was younger I didnt want them because they seemed to be an awful fuss and alot of trouble. As I grew older I did not want one for selfish reasons like- I would rather spend my money on me or I want to go and come as I please and not have to worry about having a child. People ALWAYS say and I qoute " Awww youll change your mind one day." Let me clear that up right now for those of you who dont get it.... I am NEVER having kids. God and I have an agreement.
This is an absolute fact. I feel so strongly about it that I dont see why anyone would want to have children.

So five years ago my sister had her first and so far only child, my nephew. Boy did that change my oppinion of children altogether. I know what your thinking and your wrong. Up until this point kids were gross snotty loud crying injury prone money pits- to me. And then I met him...my nephew. I did not know that I had that much love in me to give to someone. I mean I have loved a few people in my life but noone even came close to the feelings that this tiny shriveled little thing of a person made me feel.

These past five years have been the greatest blink of an eye I have ever shared with a person. I have watched this tiny baby grow like a weed and witnessed him learn, say and do things that blow me away. You do know he is a genius right? No matter all the mistakes I have made in my life or how many times I had let my family down I was given a brand new chance to be there for the newest edition of my family, to form a bond, to be special to him as he is to me....to be the best Aunt I can be.

But even after all of this ----it has made me feel even more strongly about not wanting a child. I love my nephew so much and I worry about him from time to time just because he has his whole life ahead of him and there are so many variables that will predict the quality and outcome of his life it seems almost uncontrolable to me. I have always heard the expression-' it takes a village'- in terms of bringing up a child. Well if thats the case were up shit creek. Hopefully Im not the only one whos noticed but the 'village' is full of weirdos, kidnappers, killers, pedifiles and evil. Yes there are also good people out there who do everything right at home and raise there children to the best of their ability but they still have to open there front door at some point and let there little one loose in the 'village'.

I am now more posotive than I have ever been about my decision not to have kids. I do not think I could bear the pain that would come along with it. Mad props to all the Moms of the world, the good ones that is. As for me, I have my nephew, thats about as close to the experiance as I want to get.

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