Friday, January 28, 2005

My pack.......

It is amazing how much acts are like humans. Although, I do guess a dog person might say the same thing about dogs ...I guess, I do. Anyway, Right now we have 7 cats in our house. Yes, 7. Let me describe them for you:

Tibias. Four years old, all black, HUGE cat, nuetered and front claws removed. LOVE HIM!! He is the best he sleeps on Brandons pillow above his head every night, no exceptions. He slept on my pillow when he was a kitten, but as I began to bring other kittens home ( he was about 1.5-2 yrs. old then) he started sleeping on Brandons pillow. Jealousy--human like behavior.

Milly. Two years old, grey with some white swirley pattern thingy. Small. Tiny. NOT SPAID. ( I think thats how you spell that, I have never had to before) Brandon does not like her so much because she is extremely skiddish ( again another word I have never actually writtne before). She is that way because of how I came to get her. I work at a car dealership in the service dept. (warranty administrator, not a technician) and one hot summer day two years ago a tech found her under the hood of a car that had been parked in the hot, humid Alabama sun all sfternoon while wanting to be looked at by the tech. She was tiny I guessed her to be about 6 weeks old. They were going to let her go. Our dealership is by a highway, I could not let this be. So she came home with me. Fear she has kept with her since then, fear from a tragety---human like behavior.

Smokey. Two years old, all grey, recently nuetered . One day while I was working diligently at my desk the receptionist came in my office at sat this kitten in my lap. She then told me how one of the salesmans wives was taking a whole bunch of kittens to try and give them away. For fear that she might not be able to find enough suitable homes, I brought him home with me. Brandon did not like this but soon fell in love with him. His soft spot for kittens is bigger than mine. Smokey is very 'in' to things, literally. He opens everything and gets in it no matter what type of handle-----human like behavior.

Bobo and Bella. Six months old. The offspring of Smokey and Milly. LOL!!!! This obviously before Smokeys nuetering. Bobo is a male and he looks just like Smokey, his Dad. They even act EXACTLY alike. Right now Bobo is laying on the desk beside me where Smokey has always laid and they look just alike. Bella is a female and she looks exactly like her mother. The same small, tiny frame and all. Watching them grow and learn things has made me veiw them as children with totally---human like behavior.

The above cats mentioned were ALL keepers in this house. Sometimes Brandon says he would like to give Milly and Bella away but I willl not accept this. First of all I find it sexist. Why does he want to give only the female cats away? Secondly, I will not turn my back on a cat that has resided in our home for more than 3 months. They become family then, we get them acustomed to a certain lifestyle and I will not shove them off. No. Not happening. But then there are the other two...

Unnamed and Unnamed. One and a half WEEKS old. Both grey as of now, have no clue as to the sex of them. Offspring of Milly and Smokey, again before Smokey was RECENTLY neutered. These are going, they just have too. There comes a point when you have to draw they line. These kittens however are here because of negligance on mine and Brandons part. We should have had Smokey and Milly fixed before this could of happened. But that is water under the old bridge my friend. either way I am going to try and find them the best homes I can but if I cant then I will not take them to the pound. I cant bear the thought of them possibly being killed before someone addopts them and the only reason they are here is because of me not being a responsible pet owner. So we shall see.

I love all of my cats. They comfort me. To hear their purr when I reach my hand out to them lets me know I am appriciated for what I do for them. A jump in my lap followed by them laying down lets me know they are also comforted by me. They tell us when they are hungry, mad, ready to play, they have US trained to give them water out of our bathroom faucet and if we do not come when they call they will knock everything off of the bathroom counter untill we do. HUMAN like behavior.

I thank God for giving us domesticated animals, I think he knew that sometimes we would need the comfort of something free from evil just a being created by God to be a companion with.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Blogs R Us

Ever scince I stumbled on to this whole blogging thing it has intrigued me. I have always been a people watcher. The thought that we all inhabit the same planet together and are built as humans, the same, and for the most part we all go through similar if not the same events, tragities and good fortune as everyone else---but yet we are all so consumed in our own little bubbles that are 'our worlds' that we often forget this fact is amazing to me. (theres a run-on for ya) I know I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one in the world going through life with the feelings I have, yet at the same time I feel sad for the other people out there who share my sentiment. Sometimes it can be downright depressing.

So I started a blog of my own. I have enjoyed it too, its nice to have a place to say whats on your mind and not have to explain it. But I have also found that looking at other peoples blogs can be addictive. Everyone is interesting in their own ways and the way people write on their blogs, usually quite candid, makes me laugh. I had no idea it was so popular either, there is a blog about everything and tons of blogs about nothing, like this one.

I have alot of ideas for the look of this blog, but all I know how to do on a computer is type. Damn. So for now thats what I will do, when I feel the need. Thank you to all the other bloggers for the good reading I do instead of my job. (NOTE TO BOSS: just kidding) Until next on!

Sunday, January 23, 2005

The Blue Alabama Sky

I love Sunday mornings. They seem to be my most peaceful times. It has almsot become ritual like, the way Brandon and I go about our morning on this particular day. We wake up just whenever we do, no alarm clock. We usually lay there a while just us and act silly as we wake, I know this because most mornings Im laying there laughing. Then its up to mosey around the house a bit, see what kind of day it is outside and tend to the pack of cats we call our children. Then the couch, we plop down on the couch for about an hour or two and watch Brandons car shows. He has a line up. Yes, I know, I do not enjoy this but it is me trying to bond and do something he likes.(note to reader: ALL he likes is car shit) I have found that over time you get used to the pain and I learn a thing or two so that when Brandon talks about it, which he does ALL THE TIME, I actually am not just lost. When I get lost in a conversation my mind tends to wander and then I always answer the person with..."Yeah, uh-huh", no matter what they say.

So back to the morning. Sometime during the tv watching Bradons mom calls, every Sunday. She lives in Utah so that is her 'time to call' so to speak. During this phone call I usually get up and straighten the house or cook breakfast/lunch. Today I laid on the couch a bit and stared out the window. It made me feel good. We have two big windows in our living room. The sky is so clear and blue today and it is a cold crisp winter morning. The beauty of it all amazes me still every day. The awe I have for the world around me sometimes seems to take my breath. It humbles me, thats for sure. Lets me know just how small I am in this whole big picture, how small we all are. It makes me thankful for my small slice of this life, no matter how difficult times may get they still are just that...times. Times I was blessed with to have and to have had them no matter how good or bad they were is better than never having them at all. It amazes me that just looking at a beautiful sky can make my mind dip so deep into thought about life and exsistance and gratitude. I am thankful I have an eye for the beauty we are surounded by, because that pictue can easily become a tainted one when you begin to factor in the harsh realities of this world. I enjoy these mornings, yes I do, I feel in some ways they help shift my attitude from the problems of the past week back to being me.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

God Bless the little ones...

Well I would love to say that my family drama has subsided, much to my dismay it has not and neither has my current emotional status. As a matter of fact the whole stituation may have slightly worsened. And no I havent gotten myself in the middle of it and I am not going to. Lets just say that I may have to have a new tongue put in my mouth from biting it so much the past week. None the less, I have managed to stay neutral, I am Sweden. Since I can not go into my problem let me get this off my chest.

I will be 28 years old next Sunday (Jan. 30), I have never wanted to have kids. NEVER. I didnt play with dolls as a child, I did not play house. It has never interested me. When I was younger I didnt want them because they seemed to be an awful fuss and alot of trouble. As I grew older I did not want one for selfish reasons like- I would rather spend my money on me or I want to go and come as I please and not have to worry about having a child. People ALWAYS say and I qoute " Awww youll change your mind one day." Let me clear that up right now for those of you who dont get it.... I am NEVER having kids. God and I have an agreement.
This is an absolute fact. I feel so strongly about it that I dont see why anyone would want to have children.

So five years ago my sister had her first and so far only child, my nephew. Boy did that change my oppinion of children altogether. I know what your thinking and your wrong. Up until this point kids were gross snotty loud crying injury prone money pits- to me. And then I met nephew. I did not know that I had that much love in me to give to someone. I mean I have loved a few people in my life but noone even came close to the feelings that this tiny shriveled little thing of a person made me feel.

These past five years have been the greatest blink of an eye I have ever shared with a person. I have watched this tiny baby grow like a weed and witnessed him learn, say and do things that blow me away. You do know he is a genius right? No matter all the mistakes I have made in my life or how many times I had let my family down I was given a brand new chance to be there for the newest edition of my family, to form a bond, to be special to him as he is to be the best Aunt I can be.

But even after all of this ----it has made me feel even more strongly about not wanting a child. I love my nephew so much and I worry about him from time to time just because he has his whole life ahead of him and there are so many variables that will predict the quality and outcome of his life it seems almost uncontrolable to me. I have always heard the expression-' it takes a village'- in terms of bringing up a child. Well if thats the case were up shit creek. Hopefully Im not the only one whos noticed but the 'village' is full of weirdos, kidnappers, killers, pedifiles and evil. Yes there are also good people out there who do everything right at home and raise there children to the best of their ability but they still have to open there front door at some point and let there little one loose in the 'village'.

I am now more posotive than I have ever been about my decision not to have kids. I do not think I could bear the pain that would come along with it. Mad props to all the Moms of the world, the good ones that is. As for me, I have my nephew, thats about as close to the experiance as I want to get.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Frustrated......among other things.

Right now I sit here upset. I sat down at this computer not 5 minutes ago, happy, eager to write my upbeat post about upbeat things.....and then the phone rang. Oh and how I long to go into detail about the origin of my current sadened state. I cant. I guess there are some things that you shouldnt post on the web. As theraputic as it may seem at the time a topic of family interest and disfunctionality might come back to bite me in the ass if I dish it out to the world. Or whoever it is that comes here to read.(Hey Allison!!!!!) Lets just say it is extremely frustrating when someone in your family is hurting and there is nothing you can do to help make it better. It is out of your hands, and if you tried to make it better you would probably make it worse and then also become caught in the middle. (that last part I know from experiance)

So now I am in no mood to be upbeat or go on and on about how I am planning a trip to Jamaica. As a matter of fact I am in no mood at all. Funny. I feel empty. Helpless. What to do?
Shit. No I dont have to , just.......shit.

On to other news my cat Milly had kittens AGAIN!! They are two days old. I am not getting attached to these though because they are outta here as soon as they can say... eight weeks old. Fortunatly she only had two this time also, less new homes to find!! I can feel this post turning into a dud and for that I am sorry. My mind is mush right now so I will return at a later date and try this whole thing again.

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