Wednesday, May 31, 2006

UPS & downs.....

I am peeved to the very core as I sit here. Today has been shit-T. This new job I have requires I have a laptop, that they provided, I take to and from work everyday. This is new to me as what I needed at work I always left there and it was on my desk the next day. So it really wasn't a shocker that I pulled in the parking lot this morning and realized that the laptop was still at home!!! DAMN. So I drive back home to get it and come back to work, ready to try again.

You see at this new job I actually work for a company called Lemcon out of Atlanta and I am contracted out to Nokia here in Birmingham. They found my resume on Monster. So I have had to get all the paperwork emailed to me I print it out sign it, fill it out whatever and send it back to them. On the 19th I went and had some documents notarized and then I OVERNIGHTED them by way of UPS to ATLANTA, I am in BIRMIGHAM, ALABAMA. So when I get back to work from going back home to get my laptop I get a call from the HR lady at Lemcon asking me why I never sent the paperwork I was requested to send.??????? Fuck yeah, cause I am a rebel and you don't need no stinkin' paperwork from me, bitch!!!Kidding. So I am all like "Well I mailed it as instructed let me check on that and I will call you right back."

I get my freight bill thingy out of my desk drawer and go to UPS and track it, then I get a representative on the phone. I OVERNIGHTED it on the 19th, on the 20th it arrived in Louisville, Kentucky and they have no clue where it went from there. No clue, you say??? NO CLUE. They cant even admit that it is lost until they have looked for it for eight days. So now on my lunch break I have to go and do all that shit again!!!! Forget the fact that a notarized document with my signature, address, copy of my social security card and drivers license and my finger prints are in that MISSING FUCKING ENVELOPE!!!!! I know people make mistakes and when all you handle is mail all day every day something like this is bound to happen, forget all that! Just forget it. I am now convinced that UPS hates me. Dito.

To top it off my Grandfather is in the hospital on his deathbed. I was going there at lunch for a visit but UPS wont let me. UPS thinks I should have to fix their fuck up and if the old man is still alive when I am done then, and only then can I go see him.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Wow, what a weekend. I hope that everyone out there got to enjoy a nice long weekend with friends and family and laughter and good food, like I did. There were cook outs at my parents house and at my house and a bevy of other activities throughout. Yesterday though was the first time that Brandon and I have ever had a pool party at our house. I guess we always thought people wouldn't have any fun or that our home wasn't as nice as we would like it to be so we just didn't do it. Not anymore. It was a blast we had some great food and very very very nice people and the sun was shining and the pool water was 84 degrees. Perfect. The group cleared out all at once last night at 9:30 and by 9:45 Brandon and I were snug as two bugs in a rug, in our bed, fast asleep by 10.

The home stayed pretty well clean during the event as well, I think I may be able to run the vacuum cleaner through the house and take the trash out this evening and it will be back to its normal self. I am glad that its a short week now though because I am tired and this coming weekend is the Festival in my town that I always take my nephew, Tre, too. So its just fun to be me, I guess!

Friday, May 26, 2006

Two sides to every story......

Due to spam commenting I had to change it where when someone leaves a comment on my blog I get emailed and I approve it before it will appear on the site. Yesterday Brandon, the boyfriend, read my blog. Something he hardly ever does and found my last post of great interest. (how funny) So this morning when I checked my email along with a few other comments was one of his very own, and first from him on this site. In the interest of fairness his comment follows:

Brandons comment for yesterdays post (Will YOU marry me? Please!!):

I never said anything about not having children was the reason for not getting married. Never said I did not want to get married! I sacrifice things so we have a house(or our cats have a house we don't)a place for us to dwell and enjoy, swim, sleep and eat. you know I sold my (ur favorite) car to get our house.i now have old decrepit vehicles(my choice they are investments)which I work on myself and I don't mind.i have simplified my life to the point I don't have one.when is the last time we went to the races? before I sold my car.4 years ago.when we go to Atlanta to visit and I ask you about the race track it is just blah blah nah.i have gotten so used to no I don't even ask anymore. I have to watch the shows you want to watch which I don't mind we are spending time together but it would be nice if I got to choose something and you watched it with me as I do you.instead of calling it stupid. I am so tired of reality TV f_ck there life I want my own.wasting your life watching someone else's often do I get to choose what we watch.i don't even like sports. your never stuck watching a football game. you will say I choose all the time.when? anytime ur in bed. I wake and handle the cats, pool, trash, yard,and anything else that needs fixed or handled.(I know your tired of hearing that) you get to go do anything you want just this weekend you went out I stayed at home. if we had more money you would do eveything you wanted.(me too for that matter) I hender you not.the only thing I need from you to get married is for you to care about our house hold and me. I have all these things that I have to tend to and that I don't have a choice in doing. I just have to do. cleaning and cooking are not even camparable as you do not have to do these things would be nice if you did but not expected. I can do those things too but if I do everything what reason would you have to be there. baby I just want you to see what realy transpires. everything around us just don't magically get done we have to do it. if you don't want to do your part now. what is it going to be like when you know you are safely married? you say it will be better but you will never like doing these things. I know I don't, but I have to, as it is a part of life. I just feel like you take me forgranted. I would love to take a break from it all but I can't. even if I could let myself, let all of these things go unattended. I don't know if I would want too because then I would really have no life other than working and paying bills. (wow fun). I do miss being sigle sometimes but not for the reasons you think. I don't want other women or be to be separated from you. I just would like to enjoy myself because I have forgot how that feels and I realy don't know if I can anymore.i think that part of my life might be over. I hope not but it seems that way.

(Can you tell we could give a shit less about grammar and capitalization?!)
Okay so now I feel bad. He has a nack at that. Okay so I guess I am a royal bitch. The end.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Will YOU marry me? PLEASE!!!!!!!!

So Tuesday after work I got a long overdue task done. Purchasing a bridesmaids dress for my friends Ernie and Allisons' wedding. I was not looking forward to doing this so I put it off as long as humanly possible. So it really wasnt as bad as I thought it would be, you know with all the extra poundage I am carrying around from gaining weight, but it still made me long for my old body. The thing is I became so angry while in Davids Bridal I could have torched the place. I must have gave every girl in there trying on a wedding dress an -eat shit and die, bitch- look.

I wasnt expecting to fell that way either. I thought that I would be depressed when I left from squeezing the dress on my bigger-than-used-to-be-body but I was in no way prepared for the rage I left feeling.

As I have stated before I have been with my boyfriend for nearly eight years, eight long years. AND HE IS STILL JUST MY BOYFRIEND! I dont want to have children so I always made sure to date a guy that didnt want children either, because I am dead damn serious about not wanting children. So Brandon doesnt want children and has confused this whole thing for a sort of get out of marriage free pass. Because to put it in his exact words "The only reason people get married is because they want to have kids and scince we dont want to have kids we dont need to get married." Yeah forget the whole love thing marriage is only about getting knocked up. Whatever.

This didnt bother me for the first five years of our relationship. But ever scince it has grown more and more irratating and sad and depressing. Am I not good enough? I am just the big fat cow with the preverbial free milk?! Does he think something better might come along? So when I walked into Davids Bridal and right dead center infront of me was THE DRESS, my dream dress. Then I scan the store to see what else I see. You know what I saw? I saw a shitload of young women smiling and glowing and making hard decisions about tiaras and tafata and I almost cried right there.

I felt like the ugly duckling in a sea of swans. Why where they better than me? What did they do that made someone want to cherish and protect them and honor them forever?

I tried that bridesmaids dress on and got out of there as quick as I could. I was so mad, angry to the very core. I never want to have to go back in that store again. NEVER. (Unless I am buying THE DRESS)I cried on the way home just thinking of how I was going to have to be in that wedding and how I would probably cry and how they, more than likely, wont be tears of happiness for the Bride and Groom (Even though I couldnt be happier for them and they know that) but how they will probably tears of sadness and envy.

Over the past few years I havent hid the fact from Brandon that I wanted to get married. I cant help it. I have a huge grudge about the whole thing. Then Brandon gives me a list of things I have to change or improve before he will marry me and well....fuck that. He wont marry me if I dont change or improve on a few things, but he will continue to live together with me and have sex with me and do EVERYTHING we would do if we were married. Can we say cop-out?!

I wont even get started on how he thinks marriage is all propaganda made up by the diamond company DeBeers back in the day to make it seem like people had to have diamonds, creating a demand for them. Oh yeah hes even printed out stories about it and brought them home for my reading pleasure. I save them for when we run out of toilet paper.

I have become bitter. I feel inadequate. I feel ugly. I feel unwanted. How do I make that stop? I love Brandon with everything I have in me. I am not perfect. He is not perfect and I would marry him. Should it be so important to me that he hasnt asked me to marry him? Does anyone know?

Lunch or What the hell is that? or Did I pass out on the ground and a dog shat in my mouth?

I just had the most disgusting lunch in all of the land, no make that all of the universe. It was really bad. Has anyone ever had macaroni and cheese that tasted like sugar and sour cream and looked like curdled milk? No. Really? Well then, what about corn off the cob that tasted like peppered turds and toilet water? Still no? Well unfortunately now I can say that I have had those things and I may have to be hypnotized to get the memory of them out of my brain. Lets just put it this way on the way back into the office I stopped at the restroom and actually pumped the hand soap from the dispenser straight into my mouth, then I added water and gargled. Now when I burp there are bubbles. I still don't think I can truly describe the grossness of it to you in a way where you to might vomit a little inside your mouth. (Which would still taste better)

Speaking of corn. How does it make it back out whole? I have always chalked this up to the corn fraggels. Yes they reside down there in your stomach just like the little miner fraggels you've seen on TV, only their sole purpose is to put the corn back together. I love corn and eat a lot of it and I always remember chewing it, as I like to do with all of my food, so I must be right.

Anyways I am now sitting back at my desk...HUNGRY. That chaps my ass.

Lost Idol

Well we have yet another Idol hailing from Birmingham. Big congratulations to Taylor Hicks!!! I have to be honest here I didnt always like Taylor, well let me rephrase, I dont like the music Taylor sings but he can sing it well. I wasnt suprised but I thought that Katherine was really really good so I knew it could go either way.

I have a friend that moved here to Alabama from California and she loves American Idol but stated to me that it is in no way as big out West as it is here. Just watch the morning news or what I have been calling Idol news, cause thats all that it has been. I guess its still fair though, but as long as people continue to make it that are from the south they will continue to be in the top finalists with a better chance of winnig than our western friends.

LOST- I missed the first hour due to Idol but I was able to pretty much catch up. Who are the others???? Where did Locke and Eko go? Do yall think Micheal will really get rescued and if so will he realy not tell a soul about the island? Why wouldnt he be able to find it again? I am beigining to think that the island is located in a crack in time and the planets have to be aligned perfectly to enter or exit the crack. I know I am totally wrong but who cares. OH, what about Desmonds wife what the hell does she have to do with it? has she been looking for Desmond all thuis time and could those men think that they have found where he could be? Questions, questions, questions. The writers on this show are good I have to give it to them. the more questions they can put in our heads the more I have to watch it to figure it out.

FYI- i just compltetly broke my thumbnail off. Past the quick. Typing. Fun. Stinging. Poop.

Tomight my nephew Tre gets his black belt. This is something that he has worked for for the past two years and I am so proud of him. So internet big round of applause for Tre!!!!! <**Loud Clapping And Hooting Insues**>

Seacrest, Out!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Its possibly not as bad as I make it out to be.....

This past weekend was quite a doozie. I have no clue how but, all of a sudden, I have become busy, all the time. We could go through my archives right now and find that less than six months ago I was complaining about not having enough motivation and never doing anything and then BAM. I have enjoyed it, its just weird how it came suddenly.

But lets get to the good part... Saturday night I went out with my Sister and some friends Brandon, my boyfriend, stayed home. We went to the dog track and gambled a bit and then we went to a club in Southside to drink and dance.

I have to preface this by saying that all my life I have been skiny. Over the last year though that has all changed. I am by no means fat but when you have barley weighed 100 pounds soaking wet until you were 26 years old and you put on, oh I dont know, aprox. 27 pounds you can feel it. You can feel it in EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE. I hate it. I know that I am not fat, everyone says I look healthier but I feel disgusting. There are these parts of me now that have never been there before and its uncomfortable. Now when you take into account that I have always had a poor body image, then the weight gain almost becomes unbarable. Pair the wieght gain with my acne (that didnt show its ugly self until I was about 25) and I get down right depressed. Only causing the acne to get worse.

So anytime I get ready to go anywhere I get in the foulest mood ever. There is usually crying and screaming and an object being launched across the room. I open my closet and its full of size zeros and size twos and I cant get those past my hips anymore. I will not throw them away, I will fit in them again I say every time. My tight shirts that exposed my flat stomache have now been replaced with long loose shirts that hide my spare tire. The ass that has always sat round and high is slowly sliding down the back of legs, like a fucking mudslide.

So Saturday when I went to get ready to go out I didnt even try really hard to look that good hoping to prevent the fit I knew would be inevitably pitched. I just threw on my cute jeans and some strappy heels and a t-shirt that read "boyfriends make nice pets". My boyfriend was going to be at home anyway so I thought why try. Then the unthinkable happened. I got hit on all night and not by the weirdos I am used to. By hotties I tell you, HOTTIES.

Now I am not stupid enough to kid myself here folks, but I will let it make me feel better about my looks. I am sure I was just one of many random girls who was 'pretty enough' to try to make the moves on in the club, and when I said no politley they just made their way around the club to scount for the next potential lay. I guess it is kind of pathetic of me to have to relie on being hit on to feel good about myself. But hey what can I say I'm pathetic.

I have always hated that I cared so much about looking perfect. The thing is I do, even now at 28 years old I long to look like the girls in the magazines, the perfect skin, perfect body, hair, clothes, teeth, perfect, perfect, perfect. I also know that they dont really look like that but I DO want to look like that. I hope that one day I find a happy place in all of this where I can be okay with who I am and the way I look.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

My ever-changing world.

Well I have been so busy this week that I havent had time to post a thing. Lets see on Monday my job informed me that they couldnt pay the office rent anymore and since they hadnt paid it since like, uh, last November, we had to be out by Friday. They also let me know that I was more than welcome to come and work out of the basement at their home. Uh, no thanks. So on Tuesday I went to work, after mulling it over all night, and I quit. Then after I quit on Tuesday morning I went to an interview Tuesday afternoon where at the end the man said " Can you start on Monday?" So guess what? Now I am an Assistant Project Manager for Nokias Regional Infastructure Office. WOW.

I am glad that it all worked out and quickly too, I might add. My new job pays 3.50 an hour more and after 60 days I get full FREE beneifits!!! Yeah!!! So we will see. The thing is I had just got setteled into things from my last transition period, now I have to do it all again. Poo. So nothing other than that has happened to me all week long.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies of the world!!!

Monday, May 08, 2006

The day I took a flying leap outside my box....

So Saturday morning I woke up and picked out an outfit and then proceeded to pace my hall. For hours. I was in and out of this crazy "this is SO not me" kind of place. Finally, I decided who the hell cares, so I took a shower and left the house. On the way to Huntsville I thought of many things but I eventually came up with this one fact. I was on my way to meet interesting people, each in their own right. This does not make me weird or somewhat stalker-ish or any of the sort. This make me a person growing up, broadening horizons and all that junk. Yeah I know I can reason anything out if you give me a few minutes. So I got there and the unexpected happened..... I met five cool people.

I can not lie, when I told the people at the door who I was there to meet and they pointed me around the corner to a table with people at it, I could have simultaneously passed out and barfed. Then after that it was surreal for a little bit. Inside my head kept saying "Am I really sitting next to Miss Zoot? Where am I? Do you think anyone would notice if I just pinched myself really hard? I MUST be dreaming." After it all settled I was very delighted at the table of individuals before me.

Miss Zoot ( Well I mean I still haven't processed it. She is her site. Real. Cool. Pretty. Brave. I admire her. Also very talented at keeping the conversation going and just being down to earth. If you haven't stopped by her site you should.

El Frederick ( This poor guy. He was very nice and down to earth as well. He though, almost drown in an estrogen sea. I totally told my boyfriend he has to come next time to even out the ratio to make it fair. He seemed not to be to bothered by it though. Good people.

Paige ( She and her Husband were there. Paige was a little quite (who can blame her?) but very nice as well as her husband. They have a dog and no children. Also good people.

Weaker Vessel ( Extremely nice and outgoing. She seemed to be a very happy person, like a smile was always on her face. I liked that. Also great at keeping the conversation going. Definitely a pleasure to have met.

All in all, it couldn't have gone better in my opinion. It wasn't a large group but in so many ways that was a good thing. I don't think that I made a flaming, glowing ass out of myself. I left feeling more of an adult, more of a free spirit and most of all more of a part of something.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Busy Bee.....

Ya know how when you are logged into blogger to create a new post and it displays the screen that lists the titles of your posts and the days they were posted? I just glanced at it and it hit me, like a bat out of hell, that is a timeline of my life. I know, Im quick, right? Anyways, I got a kick out of it. Seeing your life summarized by date specific silly little titles kinda puts in all in perspective.

Well the weekend is upon us so that means it has to get dark, grey and rainy out or else!!! Jeez. I have a busy weekend planned, packed and loaded with fun filled activities for all ages. Tonight I iwll be feverishly cleaning the home and doing the laundry so that I can just get that shit done already! Tomarrow morning I have to wake up early and freak out all morning long because I have to leave at 12:30 to go to Huntsville for a blogging peoples meet-up, get there and totally make an ass out of myself either by A. Being too scared to say three whole words the entire time or B. Being so nervous if I do speak I fumble my words and seem just not quite right to the others. At least I will have an hour and a half drive back home to think of all the 'right' and 'smart' things I could have and should have said instead of " Hi, I really like your blog." Lets see, after I get back in Birmingham I am picking my nephew {*swoon*} to come back home and spend the night with me. From there its really a free for all of fun activities. I thought we might take in a movie on Sunday afternoon, go swimming, go to the park....and so on.

Needless to say, by Sunday night I might be a bit worn out. But in a 'my life is so full and Im so happy' kind of way. Hopefully. So stay tuned well reveiw Monday. UNLESS, I embarass myself so bad at the meeting I have to crawl under a virtual web rock.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


Beautiful day in Birmingham today. Lots of work getting done in the office. Yup, it hasn't been a bad week thus far. I started going walking after work Monday through Friday at the walking track near my home. It still isn't something I eagerly await every day but I am learning to enjoy it. I am also all signed up to go to my first ever blogger persons meetup this weekend. Which will also be attended by the lovely Miss Zoot.( cant tell you how much this excites and makes me sick at the same time. I love all things that I can turn into an adventure of sorts and this will definitely be one. I just don't want to make a total ass out of myself in front of anyone let alone a web-idol of mine. I have a plan though. I am going to be me. What a plan right?

I am hoping that this will put a spark back into my love of blogging as well as give me the opportunity to meet all kinds of different people. So wish me luck.

hit counter