« Home | The Burbs » | My pack....... » | Blogs R Us » | The Blue Alabama Sky » | God Bless the little ones... » | Frustrated......among other things. » | 'Tis The Season... » | A Tribute To My Fish............ » | Happy Birthday, Dear!!! » | Ivan the Terrible »

Im on top of that.....

I find that I lack in the motivation department. I think that lazy is a harsh word for I do quite alot, alot of things that are required to do just to live. Well, live with some level of comfort. I work five days a week, rising at 5:30am to be at work by 7:30am, amazingly though no matter how hard i try Im always 6 minutes late (or more). I work all day, and I do work. Yes there are those days every so often when I dont feel like it but this is where the actual working comes in handy because Im never behind, therefore a day every now and then of well not-so-much working is okay. But I digress, I leave work at 4:30pm and go straight home. Arrive right at 5. (that rhymed, ;-) Then it is onto feeding the cats, straightening the house, laundry--which I have come to loathe and cooking dinner. Sometime nearing the end of all that fun Brandon arrives home and we eat. Now its apoximatly 8 or 8:30pm, tv time or computer time or a possible bath followed by the possible follow-up of yet more laundry. Then its bed time around 10:30 or 11. Rinse and repeat.

Some part of me says that this is okay. But there is a bigger part that very much dissagrees. Thus we have the debate, the internal debate per se. What am I going to do with my life?
Now the part of me that thinks that my current everyday routine is enough so why bother adding more to the mix, has points. But are they points or are they just excusses? The part of me that can see that I should be more motivated to actualy have a life versus living just to get by, not only finacially but emotionaly and physically as well, I have found actually has points. Lets examine shall wee? Finacially I am living just to get by because I dont think about my future, I think about the paycheck I am getting next week being able to pay the few bills I have at this age. But in reality is this how I am going to want to live finacially ---just getting by--occasionally affording a few 'extras' for myself and going into debt at Christmas and other gift-giving holidays to show people I love them.
An example of me living just to get by emotionaly would be my friendships. I only have four real friends and that number probably wouldnt be so high if they werent two couples. This though is my fault, I am great with people I like all kinds I try my best not to judge people because you never know what theyve been through, I am giving--hell people like me, I would say. But there is this point where I back off I become not so good of a friend. I have to admit most of this due to my phone skills or lack of. I dislike talking on the phone, I always have. I dont know what it is. This is hard when your friends because it makes me look like I just dont care. I do. My point is I just get by emotionaly by knowing I have those friends and we do have a good friendship yet I do nothing more to make it better or be involved. If that makes any sense at all. And finally, physically because I am starting to get heavier, noticably heavier and this bothers me. I have always been small, I am short--small works just fine with short. As I have watched my body expand I have exerted much brain power on obcessing about it but I havent used enough energy to sweat- let alone burn the pounds away. I am so lacking motivation.

I dont know what else to do though. I cant even think of a hobby I would like to take up and I have really tried. Im serious people. How do you motivate a person with no interest in anything? Theres a question to ponder.

I just re-read the above paragraphs to check for big mistakes and I noticed something. No wonder I have a hard time making a damn decision I start of right by weighing the points of each side but with each new point to a side comes another question. Question followed by question until the points are forgotten and the questions become overwhelming and I just give up. Hmm... could I be onto something here? I have never kept a journal of any sort so all of those questions in my head just got jumbled. Is it now because I just read it that it is clear. Or did I fall in the bathroom and bump my head causing a slight concusion alowing me to believe I am a PHD of some sort now.

I still feel unmotivated though. But I have to go cook a meatloaf.

hit counter