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The Parental Units

My Mom was not a perfect parent and neither was my Dad. This is okay, no one is. But they did pretty good. My Dad always worked, he works at USSteel and always has (except during lay-offs in the distant past), he rotates shifts swinging from 7-11 and 11-7 and 3-11 and so on. This made it difficult to have or even start too much of a relationship with his kids, that and my sister and I were girls. But I truly believe he was a good dad and a good and kind man and still is. And when he could be there he was. My mom stayed home and raised my sister and I, we had fun. My mom put her all into raising us when we were young but as we grew older my mom fell weak to things that have pulled at her her entire life. You see when my mom was a child she was molested by her Dad. That being as horrible as it must have been she supressed it for years, never delt with it all, drowned it and forgot it. She was young then but the longer it was held in the more it festered I believe.

When I was about 12 and my sister 10 ( I was old enough to supervise an evening at home without the parents) My mom and dad began to go out and have a few drinks in the evening every so often. Not a horrible thing. But with my moms festering emotional status this led to more drinking and depression. As the years passed I think my sister and I grew frusterated and angry with my mom for not dealing with her pains and letting them control her, basically takeing her attention from us to this sad state of what used to be our mother. She tried to get help a few times but it led to upsetting her more and things just seemed to be sitting at the end of a dead end street. I turned a bit rebelious and got a wildhair and got married when I was 16--basically pulling my mother on an even more daunting emotional rollercoaster as I played house with a punk ass kid who beat the hell out of me and cheated on me. I remember calling my mom on more than one occasion sobbing asking her to come get me and then leaving again the next day only to rip her heart out. If I have ever regretted anything in my life it is that, for it haunts me to this day filling me to the very soul with feelings of disgust by my own actions. And I fear the memories of this will haunt me long after she is gone. I finally came to my senses about five years ago and really grew up emotionally. I DO NOT blame my parents for anything I have done or will ever do. I am my own person who controls my own thoughts and decisions and take sole responsibility for the things I reap from them good or bad.

It is also important to me to bond more with my dad and really get to know him, I want to show him I care and love him for who he is as a person and not just because he is my dad and the reason for my exsistance. My Mom and my Dad and have NEVER left my side and never will, there isnt a thing in this world that could make me doubt that. Sure there are plenty of parents who didnt drink maybe a little (or alot) too much, but were they there? Really there? I will never be able to get my mother to believe she did a good job and how truly thankful I will be until the day I too am tucked away in a pine box for what she has done for me. Her love and comfort is a priceless comodity in my world and is a gift she has given me that has no comparison.

It is sad that with age comes the realization that one day your parents wont be around, a day I dont want to see for many many years to come. But I want my parents to know that I love them with all of my heart, I love them for trying to be good parents and worring so much about what they did wrong now, I love them for staying together all these years and showing me it can be done, in this day and age of quicki divorces they have stood strong in their love and family, I love them for loving me and caring about my life and my future, I love them for not giving up on me when I was a stubborn ass rebelious little piss of a person, I love them for backing off and letting me screw up on my own so that I could learn from it, I love them for teaching me about God and Jesus and the beauty of what being a good person can bring you, I love them for them both being so tender hearted, I love them for being them, my Mom and Dad.

I thank God above for my family and the comfort it has brought me and I now even in our times of trouble he is there looking out for us. I love you Mom and Dad and always will.


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